No Cubs, No Problem

I have gone the last few days pretty much sans Cubs.

This was partially by design and partially due to my own accidental testing of the famous commandment: "Thou shalt NOT go swimming with your phone in your pocket, lest you wish that phone to go onto its great reward where it shall never have to suffer through the tedious transfer of the data required to tell the world via Twitter what thou hadst for breakfast."

I had no internet connection at all, so I was transported back to a time when only ESPN's scrolling scorebar provided me any information about the Cubs at all (circa 1989).  So here is what I learned while I was away.

• I don't know if Jay Bruce hates the Cubs like Joey Votto does, but he seems to really hate the baseball after it is thrown by Cubs pitchers.
• Mike Quade can't beat the Reds with this team any better than Lou Piniella could.
• The Cubs have finally figured out how to hit at least some of the Pirates' crappy pitchers.
• I really didn't miss the Cubs much at all while I was gone. I cared more about not being able to track my various fantasy teams (two of those won their matchups, and one lost).
• I enjoy blackened seafood probably more than I enjoy fried seafood.
• The Palm Pre may be many things, but waterproof isn't one of them.
• I do wish I could have been there last night for the presentation of trinkets to Andre Dawson, but I understand it was a private ceremony.
• That wasn't a private ceremony?  I guess everyone had root canals and prostate exams they didn't want to get out of.
• It was an awfully nice watch they gave to Andre.  I couldn't even see the Bud Light logo on it.  Very classy.
• The Cubs have fallen further back in the Race to the Top of the 2011 Draft.  If they keep this up, they may fall out of the top ten picks completely.
• Starlin Castro now has enough plate appearances to qualify to win the batting title as a 20-year old rookie (currently 5th), thus signalling the start of his inevitable September slump.
• A lot of people have been comparing Stephen Strasburg to Kerry Wood and Mark Prior.  The problem is that those guys at least got through a full season before they had to have career-derailing surgery.  Wouldn't it be more appropriate to compare him to Bill Pulsipher and Jason Isringhausen?
• The Cubs should recruit their stadium workers from people who live in the Florida panhandle.  Those people went consistently above and beyond what was necessary to make customers feel appreciated. So if you are ever in the neighborhood, make sure you visit:
• Harbor Dock's
• Fisherman's Wharf
• The Back Porch
• The Red Bar
• Shades Sports Bar
• La Cocina
• Wild Olives Market
• Old Florida Fish House
• Crush
• Disclosure: I received no money or extra goods or services in return for the above links. 

But now I'm back and all rejuvenated and ready to have all the good feelings squeezed right back out of me as I go watch the Cubs and Pirates play a thouroughly meaningless game with a few hundred other people with entirely too much time on their hands.

I'm also back to using my old phone for now.  It might not have a touch screen, but it didn't spend an hour underwater either.