Friday, November 19, 2010

Yikes and Away! (WHOOMPF!)

Nothing is going right for the Cubs or the Rickettseses lately.  The whole off-season has made me think of this:

Yikes and away! We hired Mike Quade!

(WHOOMPF!) Everybody is pissed Sandberg left the organization.

Yikes and away! Todd Ricketts will be featured on Undercover Boss!

(WHOOMPF!) Todd can't do anything right and days after the happy-clappy ending is filmed, they fire members of their marketing staff and outsource the Wrigley publications.

Yikes and away! We're going fix up Wrigley!

(WHOOMPF!) Everybody is pissed that they want state money to do it.

Yikes and away! We're going to host a Northwestern/Illinois football game at Wrigley!

(WHOOMPF!) Everybody is pissed that they put up some signs and painted stuff purple.

Yikes and away! ESPN is sending the Game Day crew to Wrigley to give national attention to the special game!

(WHOOMPF!) After months of analysis and a walk-thru by officials that did not raise one speck of concern about the field layout, the Big Ten decides that the endzone near the bleacher wall is too dangerous, so all offensive possessions will face the west endzone in a bizarre NCAA version of "losers walk."

Yikes and away! The GM meetings have started and Jim Hendry will get to work on improving the team for next year!

(WHOOMPF!) Larry Rothschild gets hired away by the Yankees.

"What would it be like to win something?"

I'm expecting Tom Ricketts to have his beak blown backwards by a stick of dynamite at any moment.


Yikes and away! At least there is an opening for Greg Maddux to be the next pitching coach!

(WHOOMPF!) Carrie Muskat saysAmong the candidates for #Cubs pitching coach: Mark Riggins & Iowa coach Mike Mason. Greg Maddux is not in the mix


Kin said...

There's going to come a time when the Rickettseses will try to dodge, parry, spin and thrust their way out of this mess, whereupon I expect their beaks to get bent back rather abruptly.

That's actually a really amusing metaphor, it was one of my favorites as a kid. I wonder when Daffy Ricketts will give in and join the likes of Friar Porky Tuck, played in this case by the Red Sox that they are claiming to emulate...

FrankS said...

Great article, Tim. I was nearly dying laughing while reading it. I haven't had that good of a laugh in a long time.

Aisle 424 said...

Thanks, Frank. I wish I could take credit for dreaming up any of the hilarity. The Cubs' material is gold right now.

Doc Blume said...

Things can only get better from this point forward...right? RIGHT???

Kin said...

Re: the caption under Larry's pic, he has already won something with Lou in Cincinnati in 1990. It'd be nice for him to win again though.

FrankS said...

But it was genius to combine all the missteps with a famous bit by Daffy Duck. That just happens to be a cartoon I saw hundreds of times on Ray Rayner and other assorted kids' shows on WGN.

Seriously, have Tom and the siblings done anything right since buying the team?

Aisle 424 said...

Bison dogs?

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