Messmerizing the National Anthem

I've been to so many games at Wrigley that I pretty much have the timing down to know exactly how long it takes to get from my couch to my seat, and thus perfectly timing my arrival with the Cubs taking the field.  This may not exactly be a skill that would ever qualify me for superhero status, but it sure comes in handy.

It's nice not having to sit through all the bullshit corporately sponsored "awards" like the Tru-Value Hustle & Bustle Award in Tuesday Afternoon Games Versus the Pirates or the Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence being presented to players than can clearly care less.

I don't have to watch the twelve ceremonial first pitches being thrown out by the Marketing Directors of the Cubs' various sponsors or celebrities pimping their new movies, books, or drug-rehab reality shows.  I don't have to feign enjoyment of the introduction of the photogenic little kids dubbed Fans of the Game or Ceremonial Batboy and Batgirl because they agree to wear some Cubs gear plastered with corporate logos.

It also means that I often miss the singing of the Star Spangled Banner and that is usually a good thing.

I don't know when it happened and I don't know why it happened, but somewhere along the line, the singing of the Star Spangled Banner stopped being about remembering our fortunes to live in a country with freedoms that allow me to write a snarky post about terrible singing of the National Anthem, and started being a vanity exercise to show off vocal talent as if it were possible that Simon Cowell would bound out of a dugout with a recording contract.

Sometimes the results are impressive, yet overwrought and self-aggrandizing:

Sometimes the person is clearly over-reaching their own talent and trying to make up for it with a bunch of extraneous notes that surely make Francis Scott Key role in his grave:

Sometimes celebrities show why they did not get famous for their singing talents and why they should never ever be allowed to sing even in the privacy of their own showers:



Sometimes celebrities try to remake the song in their own style to the point where you wonder how they ever got famous for their musical talent:



Sometimes times they'll just have a bunch of kids belt it out because everyone loves kids:



These days, when it is time to "honor America," you never know what sort of train wreck you are going to get.  Forgotten words, terrible harmonizations, unrecognizable melodies, and a hideous amalgamation of  them all are far too common.  Sometimes it is enough to make me question my appreciation of this country. 

Today, however, I got to my seat a little early and got treated to a rendition I can never really hear enough:



Thanks for keeping the dignity in our National Anthem, Wayne.