Sure, you HOPED it would be a good day. You remembered that this was Ted Lilly out there and you hoped he was still carrying around that giant bag of awesome. There was a tiny part of your brain that hoped Ted could get by on cunning, guile, and maybe a machete to hack up anyone who dared oppose him. You thought his cold, lifeless eyes would roll over white just as he bit and suddenly the seas would turn red and the poor Diamondbacks would be deafened by the screaming.
But alas, reality junk-punched the Cubs as Adam LaRoche treated Ted Lilly to a spot-on Mark DeRosa impression by crushing two homeruns and one almost homerun that went for a double. The bullpen had trouble getting anyone out (again) and an Amber Alert has been issued for the Cubs' offense. It was last seen just off I-94 in Milwaukee.
There really wasn't much good to be said. Aramis Ramirez made an error in the field and a TOOTBLAN as a runner. Derrek Lee continues to hit like Derrek Lee tends to hit in April (two more days until the calendar solves what Rudy Jaramillo can't). Sean Marshall had to get used in a blow out game because the game never would have ended otherwise and the Diamondbacks would be making outs on purpose just so they could go home.
Kosuke Fukudome hit a grand slam that pulled the Cubs within only two grand slams in the 8th, so there was that. It was good enough for him to get awarded the Chevrolet Player of the Game by Ron Santo, who sounds too depressed to even moan audibly anymore.
Tomorrow, the Cubs send Randy Wells out against a guy named Rodrigo Lopez, who probably is going to have some trouble walking around uninterrupted in Phoenix when the Diamondbacks return home, and he won't be getting asked for his autograph. Maybe the Cubs bats can treat him equally rudely. I doubt it though. They're such nice boys. You know what the clubhouse needs is someone who can bring in an edge. Someone fiery. Someone left-handed.
Or not.
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