Cubs Somehow Worse Than My Internet Connection

About an hour before the game started yesterday, I finally arrived home from a visit to the land of mullets and drunk driving located across the Mississippi River.  It was a long journey home that involved a massive headache, a choice between country music on FM or a ridiculous French accent on WGN during the ride, and an interminably long wait in a parking lot formerly known as the Stevenson Expressway.

I just wanted to sit down on my couch, check the progress of my various fantasy teams, and settle in for a few hours of the first Cubs baseball game to mean anything since about the end of last August.

My wonderful internet provider (whom I won't name here except to say it rhymes with Shmay Tee & Tee), decided that they did not want to grant me internet access.  All I wanted to do was maybe change the banner on my blog and publish a post before the game got started.  It really is a shame you all had to miss it, I had some really good sections on civic duty and volunteerism.

I wanted to be able to have Tweetdeck all queued up so that I could have some actual interaction with the three or four non-spambot Cubs fans across the country who look forward to my snarky comments during a game.

I wanted to be able to read through some of the the other Cubs blogs I enjoy and catch up on what was being written and if I may have managed to insult Sarah Palin fans while honoring another excellent blog.

But I couldn't even do that, thanks to Shmay Tee & Tee.  So I was pissed and I was sure that they were the worst thing that had ever happened to the world since Hitler.

Then I watched the Cubs game itself. 

You know how when you sometimes watch the news and you see a story about some seemingly normal person snapping and going off and killing a bunch of people in a fit of rage and you wonder, "How can somebody get so angry that they would do such a thing?"  I get it now.

I am not going to rehash the whole thing, but I can tell you that a couple of midget infielders and a very rich shampoo-model-posing-as-a-pitcher should be very glad that I don't have access to weaponry of any sort.  I'd be pissed at Zambrano, but by my count, he had registered what should have been four outs in the inning before Hank Aaron's heir apparent blasted one into the ozone as the 7th batter in the inning.

Meanwhile, the Braves took advanatage of the little known three-hop rule that says that a ball can bounce up to three times and still be recorded as an out, provided that the umpires are all blind and stupid.

Somehow, the Cubs managed to make my loss of internet connection a distant second in things that went wrong yesterday. 

But today is a new day.  There are obviously some very real concerns about the Cubs' defense, their bullpen, and whether there might actually be something wrong with Carlos Zambrano, but if the Cubs can win tomorrow, the worries can be pushed back down again for a bit.

Shmay Tee & Tee still sucks.