Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Aisle 424 Fantasy Curse

It's fantasy baseball time and while I will not bore everyone with a blow-by-blow description of the recent auction and draft in which I participated, I feel that in the interest of honesty and transparency, I must disclose a few items about my teams.

First off, it is important to remember that I value actual success over fantasy success, so my owning a non-Cub does not incline me to cheer for that player against the Cubs. However, if the Cubs are going to get beat, I would like it to be due to the accomplishments of my fantasy player so I can at least have a consolation prize.

Also, as a believer in curses, I will tell you that the the Aisle 424 Fantasy Curse is alive and well. Any player that becomes a member of "Boom! Roasted" or "I Love Lamp" will inevitably experience an inability to play baseball well, be unable to stay physically capable of playing, or a combination of the two.

The good news is that only two players from the Cubs will be hit with the Aisle 424 Curse: Rich Harden and Mike Fontenot. I'm not saying they are doomed for sure, but Rich Hill was a viable pitcher before I picked him up last year. Other players with meteoric declines over the past few years while residing on my teams include Travis Hafner, Adrian Beltre, and Eric Chavez.

I hated to do it to two Cubs that I genuinely like, but I simply couldn't pass up Fontenot in the late rounds, and I kept Harden from last year after he managed to beat the curse by exceeded my expectations in staying healthy for a large percentage of the year.

The good news is that I damaged both Chris Carpenter's recovery and Jason Motte's emergence as a closer in St. Louis by making them part of the "I Love Lamp" roster. Southsiders should not be expecting a great season from Alexei Ramirez, because he's my shortstop. I also decided to punish James Loney for that grand slam off of Dempster in the NLDS by picking him up in the late rounds.

"Boom! Roasted" (Nothing beats a good Steve Carell quote for a team name) does more damage in the NL Central division (and should therefore help the Cubs). Every team but Houston is represented in my lineup in some way. Albert Pujols cost me $44 to keep so he is almost assuredly due to break a leg or something.

Meanwhile, Ryan Doumit, Corey Hart, Joey Votto, and Nate McLouth should all be talking to their teams about long-term extensions now because they won't be in as enviable a negotiating situation come the end of the season.

So I apologize ahead of time to Fontenot and Harden. I know how hard you both worked to get where you are today and I wish you both the best of luck.

Poor bastards have no idea what is about to hit them.


Anonymous said...

Unrelated to the fantasy team (good luck, though), I see your list of former Cubs includes Biittner.

Any chance you can confirm or deny that Biittner once had a relief pitching appearance? That's been my recollection, but a good friend who also grew up watching the Cubs in the 70s and beyond did not remember such an outing.


Ed Lilly

SixRowBrewCo said...

I don't recall it either, but it happened. Its possible that both your friend and I blocked it out of our memories.

It happened on July 4, 1977. Larry entered an 11-2 ass-whupping by the Montreal Expos and promptly gave up a 3-run HR to Lance Parrish. He then struck out the pitcher, Jackie Brown, to end the eighth.

The Cubs scored a run in the 8th and Larry went back out in the ninth and gave up 5 more runs on a 2-run shot to Ellis Valentine and then a 3-run shot to Mr. Andre Dawson.

That comes out to a lovely 40.50 career ERA, though he did finish with 3 strikeouts. The final score was 19-3.

Doug Dascenzo he was not.

SixRowBrewCo said...

By the way - here is the link to the game information: http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/CHN/CHN197707041.shtml

Anonymous said...

Woof. I guess that's what I should the tale to reveal, but I didn't remember it being that bad.

Thought Larry went in because it was a blow-out, but didn't know he threw that much gas on the fire.

Thanks for the confirmation and link. I think.

Go Cubs Go

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