Steve Rosenbloom Explains Why He Doesn't Care For Cubs' Latino Players

Steve Rosenbloom should not be allowed to type words into his computer or speak out loud to other people.  The fact that he is paid to do so as a so-called sports journalist is absolutely mind-boggling.

I've pretty much left Rosenbloom alone here in Aisle 424 because, frankly, his simplistic musings and childish name-calling are low-hanging fruit and just plain too easy a target.  What fun is that?  I mean, unless you are Steve Rosenbloom and that is as high as you can reach.

For instance, if I were Steve Rosenbloom and I were to use my Rosenbloom brain to make fun of a stupid fucking piece-of-shit blog that was named "Rosenblog," I would change the name to "Rosenbleargh" (vomit sounds are funny!) and then seemingly pause for laughter, but really I just won't have anything else to say.

But today, Steve turns his ire on Carlos Zambrano and turns up the "Lazy Latino" noise that the Chicago media loves.  But even for Chicago media, the line he draws between the white players and the Latino players in this post is staggering.  I found myself reading it in an Archie Bunkerish Brooklyn accent as a means to convince my brain it was simply parody rather than actual beliefs by a supposedly educated man who makes his living crafting words in the 21st century.

At the end of it, all I could think of was this:



But Steve is intent on sharing his irrationality and petty, juvenile jokes in an effort to run Zambrano out of town.

"Problem was -- and is -- Zambrano won’t waive his full no-trade rights. It’s the kind of contract perk that general manager Jim Hendry gave everybody who stopped by the Cubs money buffet, a clause that reeks of stupidity and weakness on the part of both the player and the team, and here’s why:

If a player is getting $91.5 million, he ought to be both good enough to earn it and strong enough to deal with the potential inconvenience of getting traded if, say, he really isn’t good enough to earn it, right, Carlos?"

First off, let's point out that Steve apparently doesn't know that ALL players, regardless of skin color, with ten years in the league and at least five with the same team have no-trade rights automatically.  Jim Hendry could have given Aaron Miles a full no-trade clause and it would have no bearing on whether Zambrano has the right to veto a trade or not.  He meets the 10-5 requirement, so he has no-trade rights. Period. It's in the contract with the players union.

Try Googling something once in awhile, Steve, and fuck you for making me defend Jim Hendry.

Secondly, if your employment status at the Tribune gave you the rights to veto being sent to cover a cow-pie hurling contest in Buttfuck, Alaska, you'd probably take it and use it, Steve.  By the way, I heartily encourage the Tribune to do just that since I don't think he has those rights, the Tribune's coverage of dung hurling has been lacking and Rosenbleargh (callback!) seems to be an expert at it (Hiyooo!).

There are then a lot more words bemoaning Zambrano's unwillingness to pack his family up and move to a new city just to make Rosenbloom happy, and then bewilderment over the Cubs signing a player for $10 million using only his batting average to make fun of it.  You know, like a reasoned, learned sports expert would.  
 
I can't rehash the whole thing without going clinically insane so I'll do us all a favor and skip down to where Steve paraphrases Steve Stone's comment on WSCR as a means to explain how the signing of Carlos Pena to a supposed ludicrous contract (it isn't) is somehow Zambrano's fault:
 
"The Cubs signed Pena to provide a strong Latin presence in a clubhouse screaming for something more adult than Zambrano’s screaming. But it’s more than Zambrano. There’s Alfonso Soriano, who supposedly ruined Felix Pie by teaching him every bad party habit. There’s Aramis Ramirez, who refuses to dive for balls, and isn’t that a great example? There’s a history here that goes back to kicking out Mark Grace and turning over the clubhouse to Sammy Sosa, the ultimate team play -- no, wait, never mind."

Uh, no intense offended there.

So even though Rosenbloom is attributing the racially charged accusations to Steve Stone, he gloms onto them and gives them his full endorsement. What's more, he takes one bitter, angry man's opinion and runs with it like it is a cold fact. Somewhere even Al Yellon is surprised at the lack of journalistic methods and ethics.

You won't find many bigger critics of Alfonso Soriano than Dave Kaplan, but I have heard Kaplan say on numerous occasions that the players all love Soriano because he has a tremendous work ethic and is a great guy in the clubhouse.  The only thing that ruined Felix Pie was his inability to judge a ball from a strike.

But yeah, Aramis Ramirez, that lazy fuck.  He never dives for a ball.

Except when he does and tears his shoulder out of his socket in the process, you dickbag.  You know who dives a lot?  Ryan Theriot.  You know what else?  Ryan Theriot fucking sucks.  I hate you so much. 

Take a look at that photo of Ramirez sprawled on the ground in Milwaukee in 2009, Steve.  When was the last time you were in that much agony while in the process of doing your job?  Try reading your old posts and you might get an idea.  That usually does it for me. Boom! Roasted!

Remember when the Cubs turned the clubhouse over to a guy that ended up finishing second to Barry Bonds in total WAR and had the statistical best season of his career in 2001 instead of letting an aging, womanizing, bar-hopping white guy run out the clock?  What stupid morons they were!

If you're going to talk about Hendry's stupid contracts, why not trot out his signings of mediocre-to-crappy middle relievers to multi-year deals?  Oh yeah, they were all white guys.  I bet when Hendry gives Marmol a huge extension, you'll be the first to jump up and down screaming and yelling when Marmol walks the bases loaded, hits a batter to tie the game, and then gives up a bases-clearing bloop double like it's a big fucking surprise.

 

So Rosenbloom's whole point is to make a point of telling people that Hendry signed Carlos Pena to be a baby-sitter for the younger Latinos so they won't turn into the lazy, selfish jerks that those people seem to become.

 

I bet if you asked Rosenbloom, he would call Carlos Pena a credit to his race.