Mark Riggins Picked to Be Blamed for Everything Wrong With Cubs Pitching

Don't anyone ever try and tell me that the Cubs aren't doing anything at the Winter Meetings.  Jim Hendry is working on his tan (the buffet table is outside this year) and they are picking some poor schlub to get blamed for their nearly inevitable decline in pitching performance this year.

Mark Riggins has been tabbed to be the heir to Larry Rothschild's pitching coach position and, presumably, all of the intestinal discomfort that comes with the job.  This is very exciting news that has everyone in Chicago deliriously running out into the snow in pure joy and exclaiming, "Who the hell is Mark Riggins?"

Luckily, Carrie Muskat is on the job:

The 2010 season was Riggins' second overseeing the Cubs' Minor League pitchers. He handled the same duties with the Cardinals for 12 seasons from 1996-2007, spending a total of 29 seasons in the St. Louis organization.

Riggins, 53, does have some big league time in the role, having served as the Cardinals' pitching coach under Joe Torre and Mike Jorgensen in 1995. He began his playing career in '79 in the Cardinals organization after signing out of Murray State. Riggins pitched five Minor League seasons.

A photo of Mark Riggins that appears to have

been taken from the Zapruder film. 

 

So when Carlos Silva keeps pitching like Carlos Silva pretty much always has except for two months to start last year, blame Mark Riggins.

 

When Carlos Zambrano walks everyone in the ballpark and then goes on a five-state killing spree, blame Mark Riggins.

 

When Casey Coleman remembers that he was never really very good in the first place, blame Mark Riggins.

 

When Tom Gorzelanny accidentally scares autograph seeking children at the Cubs Convention, blame Mark Riggins.

 

When the Cubs inexplicably add someone like the corpse of Vicente Padilla and he pitches worse than Aaron Heilman, blame Mark Riggins.

 

Good luck, Mark, whoever you are.