reported on ESPN Chicago that Derrek Lee "prefers to remain a Cub rather than accept a trade," which leads one to ask the question: Why the hell not?
Aisle 424 has learned that Derrek's reasons are multifold:
Top Ten Reasons Derrek Lee Won't Accept a Trade
10. He really, really likes the Cubs' .4% chance at the playoffs.
9. He is so opposed to the designated hitter rule he will stick with this crappy-ass team.
8. Let's just say he got a call from Oprah and not speak of it again.
7. He'll miss the tender dulcet tones of Ronnie Woo.
6. Racist fans you know are better than the racist fans you don't.
5. He just likes pissing off Jim Hendry.
4. You can't put a price on good deepdish pizza.
3. The Rally Monkey really freaks him out.
2. If Hendry hadn't intended for him to use his No Trade Clause, Hendry wouldn't have given him one.
1. Bleacher babes. 'Nuff said.