Friday, August 21, 2009

Perhaps They Heard Me Wrong

When I said I wanted the Cubs to go into Los Angeles and kick some ass, I think what they heard was, "I want the Cubs to go and have Aaron Miles bat in a crucial situation and f--- up the entire game."

It's a common misunderstanding and I forgive you, just don't let it f---ing happen again.

Unfortunately, the crossed wires leads us into a situation where the only notice the Cubs served last night is that they can still bend over and take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. So, I'll say it again: Hey Cubs, it's difficult to sneak up on someone from behind when they are busy kicking your ass all around the ballfield.

Lou, I don't know what Aaron Miles has on you, but even if he has pictures of you molesting baby seals while driving drunk to the dogfights through a crowded orphanage's playground and firing a bazooka at the White House, we will forgive you if you stop letting Miles do anything on a baseball field. Whenever Miles comes into a game, I start to envy this guy:

Soriano, that pitch that starts out on the outer half that looks like it might be a fastball, is almost assuredly not a fastball, and will soon break down low and away and you will miss it by two feet if you swing. I figured it out after watching you swing and miss at that pitch 8 million times this year.

Guzman, you're making us look bad for wanting you to close ahead of Marmol. I don't know what you did with the guy who has been lights out for us pretty much all year, but we would like him back now please. You've suddenly somehow become a worse option than Aaron Heilman, who has basically been the Aaron Miles of pitching.

I am sitting here supporting you people based on nothing but blind faith, insanity, and a healthy dose of stupidity. I'm about two more lost games in the standings from being completely shattered, disillusioned, and potentially psychotic. This is how Batman villains come to be. I'll be known as The Blogger.

I'll lurk in my mother's basement, trying to create the ultimate link that will control the world and occasionally wreak havoc on society through a particularly well-crafted post that contains many correctly spelled words.

You have been warned.


Brian LoCicero said...

The fact that Soriano continues to swing at that pitch shows a level of arrogance we always knew he had, as his reputation preceded him. He never has been a team player and will continue to not be.

For the last two plus years, even my MOTHER knows that he'll swing at that pitch and she's about as athletic as a jockstrap.

Aaron Miles, I have nothing more to even say about. I can't be arsed to waste another single breath on him/it.

Unknown said...

To quote Stephen King: Come to the dark side Tim. You'll float down here with the rest of us...(who have already given up on the Cubs this season or who never invested emotionally after last October)

SixRowBrewCo said...

I'm close. Two more lost games in the standings and I'll pull the plug. I just can't believe they don't even have a tease hot streak left in them.

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