Thursday, April 16, 2009

Finding the Right Seat 101

It never ceases to amaze me that so many people have such trouble understanding the seating configuration at Wrigley, and that the people who work at Wrigley fail to notice that anybody new in the ballpark doesn't know where they are supposed to sit.

It seems that 99% of the ushers' job description at Wrigley is to make sure that people aren't trying to sit in the wrong deck. Once someone has assured an usher that they do indeed have an upper deck ticket, the ushers' job is over and that person can go sit wherever the heck they want.

So, since nobody who actually works there is interested in herding the rookies to their proper seats, please feel free to pass along this handy chart of how seating at Wrigley works:

As you walk towards the field from the walkway, the seats numbered 1, 2, 3, etc. are on you right. The seats numbered 101, 102, 103 are on your left. This is why when you look at your ticket, it says what Aisle, Row and Seat you are seated in. Its really not hard at all. No matter what Aisle you are in, whether you are in the Club Boxes, Terrace Reserved, or the top corner Upper Deck reserved seats, the chart holds true.

Personally, I find this system to be much easier than having a "Section" where there are two ways to enter each seating section, from either the right or the left. Which aisle is closest to your seat? It is hard to know for sure until you pick an aisle. Then, you undoubtedly find yourself climbing over ten people to get to a seat you could have accessed from the other side without climbing over anyone.

At Wrigley, if you go to the designated Aisle on your ticket, you will be as close to your seat as you can be and will step on the bare minimum number of people who are already seated.

I wouldn't have to be this condescending about a fairly simple process if the Wrigley ushers were useful in the slightest. The Cubs like to compare themselves to the Boston Red Sox when they raise our ticket prices every year, but you know what the Fenway ushers do? They show you to your seat and they have a towel to wipe it off for you.

I have sat about 15 rows back halfway between third and the Monster - the usher was right there. I have sat a few rows behind the Peske Pole - the usher was right there. I sat in the bleachers behind the bullpen and a couple of college kids had tried to sneak in to yell at the opposing team - the ushers asked the kids to leave and apologized to us for the delay.

I would fall over and die of a heart attack right then and there if I even received half that level of customer service at Wrigley.

Am I really asking for too much when our seats are costing $60 each to expect that I wouldn't have to get into an argument with some drunken, Horry Cow shirt-wearing asswipe who is trying to act all tough in front of his girlfriend, the lovely Ms. Coinslot McBoobjob? When that happens, the ushers are nowhere to be found.

Yet I get hassled by an usher on the ramp to the upper deck as many as three times to prove I have a ticket for the upper deck.

Maybe this wouldn't be pissing me off so much if the Cubs bullpen could throw anything resembling a strike, the offense would stop finding new and interesting ways to not score a runner from third with less than two outs, and our starters could ever go longer than six innings without having to throw 200 pitches.


Emily Tau said...

i love this. hilarious. true. and a bit sad, too.

Unknown said...

quality...although in the defense of the rookies looking for their seat, the section numbers posted on the poles are confusing...completely agree on the ushers total lack of basic job function.

Anonymous said...

I've been to many sporting events, and you're right. How hard is it to READ the ticket!!!


SixRowBrewCo said...

Whats most frustrating is that this problem is not a secret. There are a lot of pissed off people who know how to read a seat location on a ticket that have to either defend their seat, or convince the morons in their seats that they are wrong, and thereby miss part of the game they have paid an exhorbitant fee to watch.

SixRowBrewCo said...

As far as signage goes, they should paint the aisle number on the stairs going up and the entryway to the aisle, going down.

That would clear up a lot of confusion because, I will agree that some of the signs on the poles under the upperdeck are not obvious to those who have not been in the park before.

Anonymous said...

When I went to Yankee Stadium last summer, an offensive drunken fan was spoken to not by the ushers, but the TWO Uniformed NYPD patroling that section of the bleachers. The man shut up right quick. -- Seat 106. PS Is Coinslot McBoobjob's family from the same county in Ireland as Slappy McSlapperson?

SixRowBrewCo said...

Cops in the bleachers wouldn't be a bad idea for Wrigley either.

I believe Slappy McSlapperson is from Galway while Coinslot McBoobjob is from Limerick:

There was a Cub fan named Claire
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
Or that’s what I thought
‘Til I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin to lose air.

(Derived from:

Anonymous said...

If history is our guide, I'm sure that we'll see plenty of Claire's this summer at the ballpark. I got stuck working late tonight and missed the game. Seat 106.

lao said...

This is so true. One of my favorite hobbies at Wrigley is kicking someone out of their seat who insists they are in the right seat only to point out they are in seat 7 but hold ticket 107. hello? :)

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