Cubs Not Moving But Having a Lawn Sale Anyway

There sure was a lot going on in the stange world of the Cubs offseason today.    Despite growing a DeRosaesque crop of sexy stubble and showing up as a panelist in practically every fan session at the Cubs Convention, Micah Hoffpauir's days as a member of the twenty-five man roster appear to be numbered. It seems that Jim Hendry has added yet another name to the list of players he is considering as a replacement for the player fans once favored to replace Derrek Lee.

We can add Jonny Gomes to the list that includes such illustrious stars as Xavier Nady, Jermaine Dye, and Reed Johnson.  Gomes is statistically most similar to Jack Cust and Marcus Thames as a batter.  As a fielder, he is most likely going to be mistaken for the Harry Caray statue.

Meanwhile, Fergie Jenkins is the latest to be pissed at Mark McGwire for hitting lots of steroid-fueled homeruns off of his pitching brethren.  I guess he can be so indignant because the illegal drugs he used probably didn't help him strike out more batters. 

It also appears that a mass happy dance is in order since it seems the Cubs were simply taking a page out of Jerry Reinsdorf's playbook and flirting with Florida so that Arizona would get jealous and buy them lots of pretty expensive things to prove their love.  Cub fans can relax in the knowledge that the Cubs will most likely not be adjusting their highly successful training plans honed in Arizona that resulted in the legacy of championships that have made the Cubs so popular.

However, it was the last bit tacked onto the Mesa story that caught my eye.  It seems the Cubs will be holding a different kind of lawn sale:

While some fans might prefer grafts from the outfield vines, they soon will be able to buy the exact grass seed mixture used at Wrigley Field.

Because of a marketing agreement with Scotts Co., baseball fans in various cities will have a chance to plant what is being called the same grass used at various ballparks.

"A chance for fans to bring the Friendly Confines home to their own field of dreams," said Wally Hayward, the Cubs' new marketing vice president.

The bags of seed — designed for the Red Sox, Phillies and Reds — will cost about $21. They will be blended for each city, including an autograph from groundskeeper Roger Baird in Chicago.

The story doesn't indicate how many pounds of seed come in one of the bags, but a quick perusal of grass seeds at Ace Hardware leads me to believe that it would normally cost about $12 to $15 for a standard three pound bag of grass seed.  My guess is that the Cubs will be selling three pound bags for the listed $21.
 
So for a mere 60-75% markup, die hard Cub fans can live the dream of seeing what Wrigley Field grass would look like on their front lawn all covered in crab grass, dandelions, and the neighbor dog's feces.  Plus, the lucky customers will also get an autograph from the groundskeeper that could go really well displayed with autographs by one of the geriatric ushers, a pimply-faced peanut vendor, and the bathroom valet from Yak-zies.
 
This offseason blows.