Milton is a Delicate Flower

One of the notes in Gordon Wittenmyer's Cubs in Brief caught my attention:

"The patient in the MRI tube before Cubs right fielder Milton Bradley's appointment Wednesday broke the machine in a claustrophobic fit, forcing Bradley's test into the late afternoon."

I'm suddenly starting to wonder if Milton Bradley has some sort of electromagnetic pulse or something else supernatural that causes seemingly ordinary people to go crazy when in his presence.

We've had Lilly jump into an argument with an umpire in a game in which he wasn't even pitching. Dempster attacked the Gatorade machine. Even Zambrano, who should never be considered a completely sane person, brought his performance level to entirely new heights with his act. Now, some dude in an MRI machine completely loses it and breaks the machine.

They should attach some monitoring devices on a bunch of people in a room and measure what happens when Milton walks in. Somebody give me the grant money and I'll arrange it.

But for now, all we know for sure is that Bradley did, indeed strain his calf, though no one seems to know for sure how severely:

"The Cubs got the report on Bradley's strained calf just before game time, learning that the MRI showed a strain not severe enough to necessarily require a disabled-list move but not mild enough to assure he'll only need two or three days to recover."

So Milton is back to being day-to-day. Which is kind of like saying that the Arctic Circle is back to being cold.

I guess I get why the Cubs were reluctant to disable Aramis when he was having his earlier health issues before the catastrophic day in Milwaukee. You don't want to be without Ramirez's bat for any longer than you absolutely have to, so I understand not guaranteeing a 15 day sit-down with a roster move.

But Bradley is batting .220. Is there really that much rush to get that back to the lineup? Playing Milton Bradley on the field during the best of times is a lot like playing long-toss with a Faberge egg. You might be able to get away with doing it for short spurts, but it's eventually going to break, you know it, and you still pay a crapload of money for the experience. Getting him back out there before we know he's ready is like starting to toss around the broken egg again before the super-glue dries.

I'd rather just know he's out, and give the starts to Hoffpauir for a couple of weeks. Sure, Bradley could be back in time to DH for the American League games, but we have Fox for that.

I don't even care who they bring up to replace him. It can be a purely defensive non-hitter. A guy with great speed (and hopefully some baserunning instincts). Another bullpen guy to give some depth to our bullpen while the current version is busy making games longer than they should be.

Somebody, somewhere in the organization has to have more value than Milton does while sitting on the edge of the bench doing absolutely nothing. Hell, bring up a third catcher so that whoever isn't playing that night can be used as a pinch-hitter without worry that there isn't anyone to catch in an emergency.

Then after two weeks, Bradley will be as healthy as he ever is and ready to get injured all over again.