Cubs 2010 in Review: February

February 2 – FOXSports.com briefly mentions that the Cubs were interested in Kris Benson, which allows me to mention his wife, Anna Benson and show a picture of her.

February 3 – Sports Illustrated’s Jon Heyman called the Cubs offseason the second most disappointing ahead of only the New York Mets. In the course of explaining why he thought that, he said, “Alfonso Soriano proved to be even more untradeable than [Luis] Castillo” despite neither player actually getting traded. So it seems to me they are equally untradeable.

February 3 – Jim Hendry signs Kevin Millar upon realizing that the Cubs were dreadfully thin in clutch dick joke making and to make the Chad Tracy and Xavier Nady signings look good by comparison. It also served to prove Jon Heyman right.

February 3 – Angel Guzman has secret knee surgery that isn’t revealed until two weeks later, leaving the Cubs without their one real set-up man for Marmol. I’m sure that won’t present a problem later on.

February 4 – The Cubs and closer, Carlos Marmol, avoid arbitration when Marmol agrees to sign for one year and $2.125 million while Ryan Theriot steadfastly refuses to sign for less than $3 million. There’s no joke there. That really happened.

February 6 – The Cubs sign Jason DuBois which was the first indication that he had not been in the Cubs system all along.

February 7 – Part of the plan to stay in Mesa, Arizona for Spring Training would involve a new tax on Cactus League games to help pay for the venture. Jerry Reinsdorf very politely implies to the Cubs that they can take their new tax and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.

February 7 – Carlos Zambrano selfishly reports to Training Camp ten days before the mandatory pitchers and catchers report date.

February 8 – Tom Ricketts talks about his team’s payroll saying,
“The dollars leaving the door is not the issue,” Chairman Tom Ricketts said. “It’s the third-highest payroll (in baseball). The issue is getting the right performance for the number of dollars you spend.”

This is widely believed to be an indication that Jim Hendry will be fired if the season does not go well.

February 10 – The then hilariously titled and now fairly presciently named, “Cubs Anal,” became available for sale and did nothing to derail the belief that Cubs fans are morons.

February 11 – Dave Kaplan outlines the changes the Ricketts want to make to Wrigley Field, thus beginning an odyssey that will end with bathrooms that may or may not be cleaner than they were before, a giant noodle, and a team that sucks because everyone is too busy talking about urinal troughs.

February 15 – The Cubs debuted a pre-sale for single-game tickets where fans could pay a 20% premium to get ahead in line of people who only wished to pay face value for the privilege of watching the team suck.

February 17 – The official day for pitchers and catchers reporting arrives with most pitchers, both Soto and Hill, and quite a few position players already in camp after following the terrible, selfish example of Carlos Zambrano.

February 17 – Bud Selig joins forces with Jerry Reinsdorf to oppose the Cubs Tax in the Cactus League and becomes the scariest couple since Tom Arnold and Roseanne.

February 18 – Carrie Muskat reveals to a shocked populace that Carlos Silva is fat.

February 19 – Single game tickets go on sale and most of the tickets for the season are sold. Based on the late season gaps in the seats throughout the park, we presume they were used for bookmarks or something. The Ricketts family was on hand to pass out coffee and Dunkin Donuts for people waiting in the cold. This set a record for the nicest thing the Cubs have ever done for their fans.

February 19 - The Cubs and Ryan Theriot actually go to the arbitration hearing to present their cases and the Cubs win when they present a montage of Theriot’s baserunning gaffes using Yakety Sax as the soundtrack and immediately resting their case.

February 22 – Position players all report to camp and it is revealed that Alfonso Soriano’s surgically repaired knee isn’t 100% healthy yet and he has not pushed it full speed in the off-season, prompting media and fans to question Soriano’s dedication despite Carrie Muskat explicity reporting:

“The Cubs' medical staff advised Soriano to not run full tilt this winter to avoid any setbacks.”

What a lazy son of a bitch.

February 24 – Lou Piniella discusses using Mike Fontenot as the back-up shortstop to Ryan Theriot in an effort to make Theriot seem competent at the position.

February 25 – Brett Jackson reveals that he enjoys having his blood drained for testing, which is appropriate for a Cubs fan, but maybe not so much for a Cubs player.

February 26 – Angel Guzman is shut down after having problems with his shoulder while rehabbing from his secret knee surgery earlier in the month. The only person happy about this news is Esmailin Caridad.

February 26 – The Cardinals sign utility infielder, Felipe Lopez, and are crowned the National League Central champions by the media without having to play a game.  Congrats, Cardinals!

Coming next in March, Ozzie Guillen's acorn doesn't fall far from the won't-keep-his-mouth-shut tree and it turns out Jake Peavy hates the Cubs.

Cubs 2010 in Review: January

The Cubs were determined to rebound from all the clubhouse chaos and injuries that torpedoed the 2009 season and began the year of 2010 with fresh new owners, a new spunky good guy centerfielder, fewer pounds on their torsos, and a lovely new marketing slogan that is unfortunately sadly true.  Let's see how such a tried and true formula for success went awry:

January 1 - Cubs fans basked in the glow of the Marlon Byrd signing on New Years Eve, and nobody would ever speak of Milton Bradley ever again.  Except for every single media member who always mentioned him as a comparison to Byrd in every story where Byrd is mentioned.

January 4 – Ken Rosenthal’s imaginary friend whispers to him that the Cubs are the front-runners to sign Ben Sheets and he writes a piece for FOX Sports that he would have undoubtedly ripped as irresponsible if it had been written by a blogger.

January 5 – The Ricketts discussed the structure and potential ramifications of the financing for the purchase of the Cubs in the Investment News:

The Ricketts’ spokesman says that converting the term loans into private placement notes with longer maturities provides “flexibility” for the family, and he insists that despite the heavy debt load, the team won’t cut payroll.

These people clearly had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

January 6 – Andre Dawson finally got elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame and for some reason Cubs fans became irritated that he might not get to wear a Cubs hat because his most consistently successful years happened in Montreal where nobody noticed.

January 8 – A Cubs ticket representative said “thank you” to me upon dropping off my check for my season ticket package. It is assumed that representative was fired shortly after.

January 9 – The Cubs sign minor league first baseman Bryan LaHair, thereby supplanting Micah Hoffpauir as the crappy AAAA minor leaguer that sports radio callers are obsessed with “giving a shot to see what he can do.”

January 11 – Former slugger and newly hired batting coach of the St. Louis Cardinals, Mark McGwire, tearily admitted to Bob Costas in a live interview on the MLB Network that he always wished he had a cool nickname like “The Situation.”

January 11 – The Cubs bring Greg Maddux back as an assistant TO THE General Manager, prompting a signal to the end of Jim Hendry’s tenure as the General Manager.

January 13 – The Cubs Caravan began their trip around Chicago and a few other non-Chicago locations. This annual trip is a great opportunity for the Cubs to give a glimpse of players and coaches to some school children that may not otherwise be able to afford tickets after the ticket prices went up again after a third straight .500 or better season.

January 14 – Bob Nightengale of USA Today helped put Cubs fans into a panic right before the Cubs Convention by predicting the Cubs would move their Spring Training facility to Naples, Florida, resulting in 80% of all questions asked by fans to revolve in some way around the Cubs staying in Mesa, Arizona.

January 15 - The Cubs Convention kicked off with a “slidr show” about the 2009 debacle of a season, which we should have all realized was a sign that the Cubs front office wasn’t exactly setting real high standards for results.

The Convention was the first real opportunity for the Ricketts family to interact with Cubs fans and they were treated like the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show. Even Todd.

January 22 – It turns out the Cubs were just running one of Jerry Reinsdorf’s old plays by using a Florida community as a decoy to induce massive government funding to build a new facility in Mesa after all.

January 25 – The Cubs sign Chad Tracy as depth for third base on the strength of scouts’ raves that he is taller than Mike Fontenot.

January 26 – Xavier Nady is signed to play the outfield based on the logic that he can’t possibly throw worse with his surgically repaired arm than Juan Pierre or Willie Wilson could with their healthy ones.

Coming soon... February, when Ryan Theriot and the Cubs disagree on the value of scrappiness.

Merry Christmas From Todd Ricketts & Aisle 424

Christmas is Todd's favorite holiday and Aisle 424 is proud to have obtained some footage of him preparing to celebrate with his siblings.

(original photo by Kris)

By the way, you also need to go over to Adam's ...And Counting and see his masterful Christmas poetry.

Merry Christmas!

Replacing Ron

I have no idea if this is real, but Twitter friend, @Eukadanz, posted a link to Career Builder today that brought up this ad:

You can click on it to enlarge it, but it appears to be an ad for the job opening in the Cubs radio booth created by Ron Santo's passing.  They don't list a lot of criteria except:

"Preferred candidate will have played with the Chicago Cubs - or played major league baseball with previous broadcast experience as a game analyst."

I e-mailed the Tribune's HR department to find out if this was a real ad or if someone was pulling a hoax.  If it is a real ad, I hope they are fulfilling some regulatory requirement that they publicly post all job openings.  If it is a hoax, I don't get it.  I'll update if I get a response. (Don't hold your breath for a response.)

Nevertheless, WGN Radio is going to have to move forward in a search for Ron's replacement now that they have locked in Pat Hughes until 2015.  Ed Sherman broke down a list of potential candidates on his Crain's Chicago Business blog:

Dan Plesac: The Gary, Ind., native was popular as the Cubs pre- and postgame analyst for Comcast SportsNet through 2008. He has continued to shine as an analyst for the Major League Baseball Network. He's funny and insightful and fulfills the ex-Cub factor, having pitched for them in 1993-94. Several broadcast people believe he is the favorite if he wants the job.

Dave Otto: Mr. Otto, a reliever for the Cubs in 1994, was solid during his many appearances filling in for Mr. Santo on WGN. However, does he have a big enough name to be the full-time Cubs analyst?

Keith Moreland: He got solid reviews while doing some fill-in work for Mr. Santo. He also has experience working baseball games for the University of Texas. He spent six seasons in Chicago and was a key player on the 1984 National League East champions. He will be a strong contender.

Todd Hollandsworth: Currently the pre- and postgame analyst for Comcast SportsNet, where he does good work. A Cubs role-player on the 2003 team, he could get a look.

Gary Matthews: Now a color commentator for the Philadelphia Phillies, "Sarge" has thrown his hat in for previous broadcast openings with the Cubs. Will he do it again?

Eric Karros: A popular player on the Cubs' 2003 team, Mr. Karros currently works the pregame shows for Fox's national games. A full slate of Cubs games could be enticing.

Wildcard: Will the Cubs and WGN pull a surprise move? It's hard to imagine considering there are many well-known and qualified contenders, but you never know.

Of these candidates, I heartily endorse Keith Moreland.  He had a laid-back charm and he actually brought some analysis to the position of analyst.  It was very enjoyable listening to Pat and Keith, even as they described excruciatingly dull games that seemed to be lost even before Wayne Messmer had gotten the word "brave" out of his mouth.

My conspiracy theory mind wonders if the next person to fill the chair will be more of a placeholder until another fan favorite becomes more readily available.  It seems the job of truly replacing Ron Santo can't ever happen without the transitional stage.  As in many painful moves from one long-term relationship to another, maybe the Cubs are looking more for Mr. Right Now to help pass some time from the Santo years.

It fits together since I wondered aloud to Kris the other night if there has been unofficial discussions with Kerry Wood where he agrees to pitch for the Cubs as long as his arm holds out.  Then when his playing career ends, he would move into another position with the Cubs or associated with the Cubs.  Obviously, if the radio gig was being considered, they can't tie one directly to the other since WGN Radio and the Cubs are not under the same ownership umbrella anymore (mostly), but I have to figure the Cubs would have some input into who broadcasts their games.

That $1.5 million for one year seems too low for Kerry not to get much more than watching his team lose 90 games from the bullpen bench in 2011.  There has to be more to it than that, right?  Maybe someone like Dave Otto fills in for the next year or two, takes all the hits and criticisms because he isn't Santo (and never will be), and then the radio job goes to Kid K as he begins his second career.

I've got no sources or real insight here, so I'm pretty much just thinking aloud in print.

Congratulations, Bears and Hester

The Bears won the NFC North by going up to Minnesota's makeshift stadium and doing a pretty decent Patriots impression on the Vikings.

As a bonus, the Bears may (I stress the word "may") have finally ended Brett Favre's career once and for all with a sack by Corey Wootton in the second quarter.

I don't know who did the photoshop, but this was making the rounds on Twitter shortly after:

That seems about right.

So what could possibly make a division-clinching game after knocking out their old nemesis any better?  A record-breaking return by Devin Hester, solidifying him as the best return man in the history of the NFL (as though there was any question lingering in anyone's mind).

I don't have any footage of the record breaking footage, but maybe whoever put this together, can add it to the montage. (Audio has some NSFW language - just turn it down. You don't need it to enjoy.)

Devin Hester Highlights - The most popular videos are here

There really isn't much left to say except.  BEAR DOWN!!



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UPDATE
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Turns out there is footage of the record breaking return available. (h/t Sarah Spain)

Pat Hughes Locked in Until 2015

While I'll often write here about people who do not do their jobs well (cough-Rosenbloom!-cough) because it isn't funny to point out things that are correct or well done, sometimes someone is so good, they just can't be ignored.  Pat Hughes falls into that category.

I sometimes think I don't give Len Kasper enough credit for being good at his job simply because he just can't reach the heights of Hughes in describing a baseball game.  It's kind of like how it took people a long time to realize that Scottie Pippen was pretty damn good too when compared so closely to one of the best ever.

Listening to Hughes on the radio is a fantastic experience.  He sets the proper tone without all the false-excitement that is so prevalent in the younger generation of play-by-play clones that are out there, but without falling off into tedium when things aren't going well (which is far too often).  When things are exciting, he manages to keep an even keel to describe the situation and rises to a crescendo as the play unfolds.

Check out this audio from 2001 from a game against the Rockies (h/t GBTS at ACB).  This was the game where Joe Girardi should have had a fairly simple (and exciting) game-winning single, but Ricky Gutierrez fell down coming around 3rd and then all hell REALLY broke loose:



I was at this game, and I was going nuts.  How Hughes coherently translated the pandemonium on the field into words on the radio with Santo screaming in his ear beside him is sheer brilliance.

Today, WGN Radio announced that Pat Hughes will remain the voice of the Cubs through 2015 and at least 20 years on the job.  Again, like the Wood signing, this doesn't do anything that will ultimately change the outcome of the 2011 season or any of the ones following, but it makes them all a little easier to endure.

Congratulations, Pat. 

I would have been happier if it had been through 2025, but it's a start.

Pat in one of his trademark sweaters, getting ready

to describe the uniforms of the players on the field

Cubs Get Wood Again

You may have seen the Dave Kaplan tweets indicating that Dave Kaplan originally broke the story that Dave Kaplan reported that Dave Kaplan confirmed that Kerry Wood is back with the Cubs.

Not only is Kerry Wood back, he signed a one-year deal for $1.5 million. 

Let's put that into perspective.  Jim Hendry once signed Aaron Miles for two years and $4.9 million.  He signed Xavier Nady and his one arm to $3.3 million.  He will be paying John Grabow $4.8 million this year alone out of the $7.5 million deal signed last year.

He will get paid less than the $2 million going to Jeff Samardzija. It is entirely possible the Cubs will end up paying Koyie Hill a million dollars this year.  Koyie. Hill.

Kerry Wood for $1.5 million is a friggin' steal.

Sure, it won't do a lick of good in the overall grand scheme of things, but what the hell.  Having Kerry Wood back with the Cubs just feels right.  I mean, I feel bad that Mark Prior has a better chance of winning a World Series ring than he does at the moment, but that is his decision.

I have a good four months to envision Cubs leads in the 7th inning completely safe in the hands of Marshall, Wood and Marmol.  The reality will then undoubtedly kick me in the groin, but the next four months just got a little easier.

Bitchin'!