Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Ronnie Woo's Heart Can't Take the Cubs Any Longer Either

So by now, I'm sure you have heard, Albert Pujols has not signed a bajillion dollar extension with the Cardinals, and the pre-conjecture has morphed completely into widespread apeshit speculation about where Albert will eventually sign, and which islands he will purchase with the money he gets in return.

The Cubs finally came out and named Keith Moreland as Ron Santo's successor in the radio booth with Pat Hughes, so I'm pretty happy about that, since I put the support of Aisle 424 back when that speculation first started.  Good to see I have a little pull with the big club.  I'll see what I can do about bringing back some sale prices to the bleacher seats as soon as the Ricketts drop the restraining order against me.

But lost among Albertageddon and Zonkapalooza was some news about the Cubs smelliest and gropingest unofficial mascot, Ronnie Woo.  Thankfully, Elliot Harris was paying attention to what matters:

Elsewhere in Cubs-related matters that touch the heart, Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers is recovering from heart surgery at Northwestern Hospital. He had the surgery on Valentine’s Day and plans to be ready by Opening Day. Doctors allowed his Cubs uniform in the operating room. They might be stricter when it comes to any woo-woo-ing.

They let him bring his Cubs uniform into a sterile environment?  Who performed this surgery?  Dr. Nick Riviera?  They might as well have performed the surgery in a Wrigley trough before Todd hosed them down.

"Call 1-800-DOCTORB.  The 'B' is for Bargain!"

Here's hoping that Ronnie gets well soon and that the doctors found the volume switch and turned it down a notch while they were messing around in there.


FrankS said...

Why would they want to do Al any favors? Unless they put in some sort of guidance chip that will keep Wickers within close proximity of Al...

That reminds me. I've been worried about the direction of the team since the Rickettses took over. They have seemed fairly clueless and tone deaf. Another example of that is that Tom thinks that WooWoo is a positive for the Cubs. C'mon, Tom. Do you really think that some guy dressed in a Cubs uniform screaming "woo" after every word reflects well on the Cubs or that his act is pleasant to experience?

Aisle 424 said...

Well, I don't want to wish the guy dies or anything. I just wish he'd shut the hell up, or at least be quiet. If that ends up being residually good for Al, I guess that's the breaks.

But I don't think the Ricketts are tone deaf, unfortunately. They are speaking the language of the dipstick fan that thinks the manual scoreboard is more important than the score that is shown on it.

There are plenty of fans that love Ronnie. I have no idea why. They are probably people who either have never been near him or are too drunk to notice the smell or the groping. But he's part of the "Wrigley Experience" that the Ricketts are selling (and people are still buying).

Kin said...

I've seen Woo-Woo twice. He posed for a pic with my son at the Red Line station and then once he was just walking around outside of Wrigley on Waveland when I was ballhawking. He seems fairly harmless, but I guess that's just my small sample size talking.

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