Monday, October 5, 2009

(Insert Team) May Be Interested in Bradley!

The worst part about a season that ends disappointingly, and by that I mean how every Cubs season has ended since before the Titanic went down, is that it opens the off-season of non-stop talk, and very little actual action.

The absence of games being played lends itself to discussions of topics that most people have very little real knowledge about.  So, with a lack of actual facts and nothing tangible to distract us, the Cubs world becomes one of assumptions and gossip.

Listening to people discuss the Cubs on talk radio this weekend kept making me think of this:

The way things have already started, here is how I imagine the entire off-season is going to go:

Step 1: One of the mainstream journalists, who we shall refer to by the completely fictitious identity-protecting names, Kave Daplan, Ril Phogers, Saul Pullivan, or Steve Stone, will report that some team might be interested in acquiring Milton Bradley.

Step 2:  Cubs fans on Twitter and/or with blogs will pass along the report and immediately begin offering opinions on the rumored deal.

Step 3: 110-year old WGN listeners will push numbered buttons on the electric doodad that allows them to connect to the voices in the radiofied contraption box to tell them that Milton Bradley should be run over repeatedly by a horseless carriage.

Step 4:  Everybody will hear way more about OBP and how RBIs are a meaningless stat than is considered safe by the EPA.

Step 5: Kave, Ril, Saul, and Steve will milk the furor for as long as they can before they "break" that the team is no longer or never was interested in Milton's services.

Step 6: Reve Stosenbloom will make a fairly obvious joke about Milton being surly that might have been slightly amusing if it had been delivered before the rumor was killed, but instead makes you want to set your clothes on fire before jumping into a kiddie pool filled with gasoline.

Step 7: Rinse.

Step 8: Repeat.

It's going to be a long winter.


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