Thursday, January 8, 2009

Are You There Baseball Gods? It's Me, Tim

I have always been very respectful of the baseball gods. I am well aware of their powers to destroy a player or team that they deem unworthy. I know that they have decided, for one reason or another that the Cubs shall never win another championship.

I have tried, over the years, to get back into their good graces and to convince them to forgive the hubris and bandwagon-jumping that accompanies every Cub team that somehow gets its nose over the .500 mark. I am very careful to not declare that I believe the Cubs will win. When asked what I think about the Cubs' chances, I reply that I am enjoying their current success very much thank you, and I hope it continues. No bragging. No picking on other teams' fans because they are having a bad year. You just close your eyes and hope it continues. But it never does.

I've come to the conclusion that no amount of kow-towing or groveling is going to be good enough for the baseball gods. They hate the Cubs and that is all there is to it. So you know what? The baseball gods can suck it.

You heard me. The baseball gods who thought it was funny to destroy a poor guy's life just because he happened to be the "lucky" one who touched that foul ball in 2003. The ones who were amused by the black cat running around Ron Santo in 1969, or the ball that Leon Durham "Bucknered" two years before Buckner's famous gaffe for the Red Sox (by the way - Buckner was wearing his "lucky" Cubs batting glove under his mitt that night).

To those who turn crappy ballplayers like Jeff Blauser, Mike Mordecai, Austin Kearns, and Brad Ausmus into Cub killers. To those who turn players with actual talent like Will Clark, Steve Garvey, and Josh Beckett into unstoppable forces who can single-handedly crush an entire season. They all can suck it.

I've had enough. The gods deemed that the Red Sox have paid off their debts for selling Babe Ruth to finance a musical. They have forgiven the White Sox for throwing a World Series! But the Cubs have not been forgiven for refusing to let a smelly goat into the bleachers for a World Series game. How is that the biggest crime in baseball history? So the goat can suck it too.

So if by some miracle anyone from the Cubs organization reads this, please tell anyone you work with what I am saying. Because every time someone does some publicity stunt to break the curse, all it does is give more credence to it in the first place.

They had a priest bless the dugout before the playoffs last year. How is that different than the destruction of the Bartman ball or the numerous attempts by the Sianis family (owners of the original goat) to get out from under whatever hex has been placed on them? When the cameras caught the blessing ceremony, the Cubs said that it was supposed to be private and not meant for the public to see.

That means one of two things. Either the Cubs have gotten extremely covert in their publicity stunts (which I highly doubt) or THEY BELIEVE IN THE CURSE! They say they don't, but there was Crane Kenney finding a priest to sprinkle some holy water in the dugouts before the game. Its one thing to have fans and media talk about it, but the organization itself? The top guy in the organization? No, no, no, no, no!

They will not win anything until they decide in their hearts that they will win in spite of the curse. They need to tell the gods to bring it. They need to channel their inner Obama (yeah, he's a White Sox fan, what about it?) and tell the baseball gods that at this time, in this place and with one voice: Yes We Can. So suck it.


August Ecklund said...

You stole this rant from me. I deserve a credit!

SixRowBrewCo said...

You may have always been bitter and angry at the curse, but I don't recall you ever telling the gods to suck it. Kathy Griffin probably has a better case for theft.

August Ecklund said...

I never mention the baseball gods or acknowledge their existence. However, I told you that the Cubs should challenge the curse to do its worst, by hanging signs around Wrigley, “No Goats Allowed” and “We Hate Goats and Goat Owners!” Also, they should serve goat meat sandwiches, because this team is better than the curse.

I used different words, but the same idea.

SixRowBrewCo said...

So if the Cubs implode this year, its Augie's fault and not mine. I can live with that.

Arnold said...

Ha! "So the goat can suck it too!"

Unknown said...

well put. gonna have to find a way to link to this from

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