Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Letter

Every year, I get The Letter. The Letter doesn't change much from year to year.

The actual words change, but the message is the same:

Dear Cubs Season Ticket Holder,

Thanks for your support last season. Sorry we lost. Again. But this year we are even more committed to bringing a World Series to the "Best Fans in the World." We hope to see you return this year to beautiful Wrigley Field to set an attendance record. Again.

Of course, by keeping Wrigley Field free of advertising (mostly), we are challenged to find revenue that will allow us to field a team that will make you, our loyal fans, proud. So we are raising ticket prices. Again.

But be comforted in the fact that the average ticket price for Wrigley Field is still less than at Fenway Park, the other stadium where demand is high and seating is limited by the restrictions of a landmark-worthy stadium. Pay no attention to the two World Series championships won by the Red Sox in the past 5 seasons, and definitely do not compare them to the zero championships won by the Cubs in the last 100 years.

We are looking forward to another great season because we just signed some players who had their best seasons for other teams, and are happy to bring back some great players who can't seem to stay healthy. Again. We are also very excited about our young talent from the minors that will never quite develop into quality players. Again.

We will need you to pay your entire balance by the middle of January. We must receive your payment on time as we have a significant number of people on the season ticket waiting list. That means that we have 85,000 other people who will gladly give us their money for your seat, so you better fork it over. Again.

Oh, by the way, since the demand is so high, we won't be improving anyone's seat and you can't buy any extra tickets before they go on sale to the public. Again. We would also be remiss if we didn't remind you that 85,000 people are just aching to write us a check if you don't give us the money. So give it to us. Now. Seriously.

See you at the ballpark!

The Chicago Cubs

Its hard not to feel warmed by the appreciation and loyalty. Where's my checkbook?


Arnold said...

Eh, with the addition of Andy Pettitte next year should be pretty good.

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