Cubs fans love the Cubs Convention. They love it more than Ryan Dempster loves doing his Harry Caray impression. The Cubs Convention passes rarely last longer than a day, and in some years they have been known to sell out in less than half an hour after going on sale.
By comparison, hotcakes take forever to sell. My point is, they usually sell pretty damn fast.
So it is practically unheard of that convention passes would still be available 10 days after they went on sale, but here we are 10 days after they went on sale and, what do you know? Convention passes are still available. So I had a couple of minutes in the shower this morning and decided I would help the Cubs strategize on how to unload the remaining passes and came up with a few plans.
The Jim Hendry Plan
They can try closing their eyes and hoping that the current passes will perform as well as they have in the past even though we know deep down that they won't.
The Undercover Boss Plan
Just have Todd Ricketts buy the remaining passes and throw them in a garbage can. If it works for hot dogs that no human should have to consume, it can work for passes allowing you access to an autograph from Tim Stoddard.
The Piss Off Yellon Plan
They could sell the remaining passes for $10 each as another tribute to Ron Santo, thereby pissing off Al to no end, because you know he already bought his for $60 in the first five minutes they were on sale. He's already in the virtual waiting room for the 2012 convention passes.
The Dunking Plan
The Cubs can put Crane Kenney in a dunking booth and charge fans to try to knock him into the tank. This would theoretically raise demand, and they could further incentivize purchases by doing a Buy One, Get One Dunk Tank Attempt Free promotion. Ideally, the tank would be filled with sharks, electric eels, or ill-tempered mutated sea bass with laser beams attached to their heads.
You're welcome, Wally.