Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Wreck of the Milton Bradley

It seems the Milton Bradley saga has been dragging out since the Edmund Fitzgerald headed out onto Lake Superior for the last time 34 years ago, but it has actually been less than a year since he signed with the team.  Can you even f---ing believe that?  Both events had about the same level of success, so since today is the 34th anniversary of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, enjoy the Gordon Lightfoot classic ditty that never fails to cheer folks up at parties:

Late last night, I posted my support of the idea that the Cubs hold onto Milton and at least attempt to work things through with him rather than take whatever crap trades are being floated by opportunistic GMs that smell Hendry's blood in the water.  On paper there is no way the team gets better by trading Bradley, so I argued that they should do their best to make it work.

Since writing that, I have since seen a piece by Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman that makes that possibility seem almost as impossible as traveling back in time and never signing the asshole in the first place:

Apparently, several key members of the team -- including Aramis Ramirez and Carlos Zambrano -- barely speak to Bradley.

"I don't think they dislike him. But Milton's a unique guy who doesn't fit in, like the oddball kid in class,'' one Cubs-connected person said.
"He doesn't try to fit in. The other guys tried to take him in, but he's one of those kids that simply doesn't want to be part of anything,'' one Cubs person said.
First, that Cubs-connected person needs to be hunted down, fired and placed in an enclosed room with Ronnie Woo all hyped up on Red Bull.  What the f--- are you saying that to a reporter for? 

Realistically, the Cubs probably can't make it work with Bradley.  Even yesterday as I wrote my support of trying, I knew it was a longshot, but they can all at least start acting like they could. The Cubs need to start spinning this for all they are worth and stop providing reasons for other teams to not give up any value for him.

If I wanted to sell you my house, I wouldn't welcome you to the viewing by saying, "Thank God you came to see this place. The bank is crawling up my ass for money I don't have, and frankly, I can't live here one more day anyway. The roof is leaking, there are cracks in the foundation, and I don't know if there are more termites or roaches. The electrical is all ancient and not up to code and good luck trying to heat the place with all of the drafts. Oh, by the way, you didn't hear it from me but the neighbors are all pedophiles. So, what kind of offer can you make me?"

Billy Williams is the only one trying to build up the product they are trying to sell. Everyone else is running to reporters and telling them how shitty he is and how they absolutely have to get rid of him. Hard to imagine why the trade offers suck more than Aaron Miles.

I know the entire world knows he's a shit, but come on! Pretend other teams are your own fanbase and turn that Vine Line brand of steaming horseshit propaganda into something helpful for once.

This is the publication that told us that Gary Scott was the next Ron Santo, that Lance Dickson was a good pitcher, and someone named Earl Cunningham would be coming to the rescue at any moment.  I have issues at home that sing the praises of Kyle Farnsworth and I'm sure that Steve Buechler was highly regarded as well.  Clearly, no lie is beneath you!

At least tell your players to start lying their asses off.  Ryan Theriot getting on the phone with Dave Kaplan on Sports Central and talking about how Milton is difficult, but a quality player would go a long way.  Ryan Dempster could call up Waddle & Silvy on ESPN Radio and talk about how he's kind of hoping the Cubs keep Milton because he really can be a key component for the Cubs to win a championship.

If they can find a way to have Fox News spin the trade of Milton Bradley as a part of Obama's socialist agenda, all the better.  Anything hitting the media that suggests that the Cubs would be better off with Milton than without Milton is a good thing right now.  Even if such a suggestion is as disingenuous as when people used to tell Britney Spears people liked her for her singing voice.


--MGb said...

How ridiculously inaccurate could this article be? Let me attempt to set the record straight here once and for all.....

Nothing sucks more than Aaron Miles.

The rest of the article is ok....Had to get that off my chest...As you were...

Aisle 424 said...

MGb, I'd like you to remember that statement when we are watching Luis Castillo suck the life out of everything good.

Post a Comment

The easiest way to comment is to choose the Name/URL option from the Comment As dropdown menu below. You do not need to put in a URL for this option to work.

Sometimes upon submitting the comment, you will get an error saying there is a problem. Submit the comment again and it should work. I am looking into correcting this glitch.