Cleveland Trying to Trade Chuck Norris of Baseball

Mark DeRosa can play first, second, third, and the corner outfield spots... at the same time.

Mark DeRosa can turn a triple play with no one on base.

A-Rod and Manny took performance enhancing drugs to keep up with Mark DeRosa.

Yes, a dark cloud settled over Chicago this off-season when Jim Hendry, possibly while under the influence of Lord Voldemort's Imperius Curse, traded Mark DeRosa to the Cleveland Indians for three minor league pitchers.

But today, the clouds are parting and hope has returned to the North Side. Mark Strickler at View from the Bleachers has discovered a piece in SI about Mark DeRosa being shopped by the Cleveland Indians and has started to gauge interest Cub fans may have in starting up the "Bring DeRo back to Chicago" bus.

Now, I like Mark DeRosa. He is a good guy. He is useful to have on a roster. He is versatile in the field. He is capable of producing runs in the lineup. He is NOT the greatest baseball player that ever lived.

To listen to some people on BCB mourn the loss of DeRosa, you would think that trading DeRosa can be likened to trading Lou Brock, Bruce Sutter, and allowing Greg Maddux to leave combined into one uber-tragic event from which the Cubs shall never recover.

I looked up Mark DeRosa on baseball-reference.com and found the hitters in MLB history in which Mark DeRosa is most similar:

• Mike Lamb
• Gabe Kapler
• Mark Ellis
• Sean Berry
• Andy Carey
• Eric Soderholm
• Ray Jablonski
• Dave Nilsson
• John Ellis
• Marcus Giles

That is not even close to being an impressive list. The best thing you can say is that it does not include Neifi Perez.

I know Mark is cute and he hustles and he gives good quotes. We all remember that he was the only one who remembered to bring his talent with him to the playoffs last year. He may have invented the curveball and taught Jesus how to walk on water, but he is not a great baseball player.

He is just not worth losing this much sleep over. Mike Fontenot has 5 HRs, 17 RBIs and an OBP of .308. Substituting in Mark DeRosa gains one homerun, eight RBIs, and an OBP that is higher by .004. That is not a significant difference, and certainly not large enough to take on his salary.

Can we please just let it go already? We have other, more important things to focus our energy on. Like whether we can trade David Patton for Jake Peavy.