There has been a lot of chatter on Twitter and talk radio about Jeff Samardzija making his first major league start for the Cubs tonight. The radio hosts are talking about how many tickets he has to set aside for this great occasion. Twitterers are hopeful he can end the Cubs losing streak by beating Pedro Martinez.
I'll put it another way: People are hopeful that a rookie who hasn't shown any real ability to throw strikes or get people out regularly since his first couple of weeks in the majors can outduel a certain Hall of Fame pitcher with 214 wins, a .684 winning percentage, 3,114 strikeouts, 2.84 ERA, 1.05 WHIP and three Cy Young awards in his career.
I know what you're going to say, "But Tim, you're just pissed about losing a 12 inning ballgame last night despite allowing only 3 hits all damn night. Pedro isn't that level pitcher anymore. He had a 5.69 ERA last year and he hasn't pitched in the majors since last September."
To that I say, April 21, 2002. What happened on that day? A Cubs team with a crappy offense went up against the Cincinnati Reds, who dug Jose Rijo out of mothballs to start for them. Rijo had not started a game in almost SEVEN years at that point, and he held the Cubs to one unearned run in 5 innings that day, and the Cubs lost 5-3.
The Cubs started Juan Cruz against Rijo, another Cubs pitching prospect with lots of promise who never really worked out for the Cubs, and has had varying degrees of success since with other clubs.
I am scared out of my mind about this game tonight and the similarities to that 2002 game. I can not make myself believe that Samardzija and his slightly better-than-average fastball, no ability to throw a second pitch, and lack of control will come out victorious simply because he is accustomed to playing in front of large crowds at Notre Dame. That seems to be the best thing people can say about him. He won't get flustered. Oh goody.
He won't get flustered as Howard, Utley, Ibanez and the rest of the Phillies high-octane lineup break windows in the buildings across Waveland and Sheffield. He won't get panicky as they put up double-digit numbers against him. That is awesome news.
Meanwhile, the Cubs offense continues to work under the misguided notion that getting runners into scoring position in almost every inning is good enough. They seem to feel that actually having runners cross the plate would be piling on and uncalled for. Pedro is going to eat them alive if he has anything left at all.
I'm bringing the Rally Hat tonight to try to counteract the suckiness that has found its way back onto the Cubs roster. I don't know how much mojo this hat actually has, but it will almost assuredly be taxed to its limits tonight.
But if Aaron Miles plays, I don't think there is a talisman strong enough in the world to counteract that level of ineptitude.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Don't Be the Fan That Texted Wolf
I have complained a few times about the Cubs' customer service or lack thereof, so I want to take this opportunity to share when they do something good for their paying customers.
I received an e-mail the other day from my Season Ticket Representative announcing the unveiling of a text-messaging service that will allow fans in the stands to alert the Cubs' stadium personnel of inappropriate fan behavior. Below is the text of the e-mail:
"Today, with the assistance of Major League Baseball Advanced Media, the Cubs have unveiled a new Fan Behavior Text Message service to our season ticket holders. This service will allow you to directly text our Event Operations department when you witness a fan behavior incident while attending the game.
This system will provide instant two-way, text messaging communication between you and the event staff allowing for improved guest services. It allows you to alert us on all issues in the stands without you having to leave your seat to find an usher or security employee. It also will allow you to stay anonymous while reporting a problem in the stands without the fear of reprisal from the offender, in the case of an intoxicated or obnoxious fan.
To send a text message to us you will need to text “CUBS” & your Message & your Location to 78247.
Examples:
CUBS FAN SMOKING IN AISLE 224 ROW 5
CUBS FAN USING INAPPRORIATE LANGUAGE IN AISLE 425 ROW 7
CUBS INAPPRORIATE BEHAVIOR BETWEEN FANS IN AISLE 112 ROW 8
Once we have received your message we will have a member of our event operations staff handle and respond to the incoming request. The staff member can send reply messages directly to your phone to help answer questions or obtain more information. If necessary the staff will be able to quickly dispatch safety/security, medical or event operations staff."
I can't tell you how many times I have seen a fight percolating near me where I've had to wonder where the hell security could possibly be.
I e-mailed my representative back and asked him if this service was restricted for use by season ticket holders (as the language in the e-mail suggests), but he assured me that the service is for all fans.
This is such a fantastic idea. Finally, fans can easily notify the Cubs when something is amiss without having to miss part of the game they paid a crapload of money to watch, and without fearing an ass-kicking for reporting the bad behavior of someone who can't watch a baseball game without a certain measure of civility.
On the flipside, I'm hoping that our more tight-assed fans aren't going to overuse this system to the point where the Cubs have too much trouble filtering out the real reports from the reports of people who want the sit-on-your-hands mentality of a mezzanine suite while only paying for Upper Deck Reserved seats.
Folks, please don't text the Cubs complaining that the guy next to you keeps shuffling past you to get more beer. If he's doing it courteously and without vomiting on your shoes, thats part of going to a game.
Don't text the Cubs to notify them that the kids in the Wood and DeRosa jerseys in front of you keep standing up whenever Carlos Zambrano gets two strikes on a batter. Yes, I agree that is annoying as hell to get up and down for every little thing that happens on the field, but unless they are standing up and yelling racial epithets at the umpire, you should probably let it go.
Other things that probably don't warrant a text to the Cubs:
I received an e-mail the other day from my Season Ticket Representative announcing the unveiling of a text-messaging service that will allow fans in the stands to alert the Cubs' stadium personnel of inappropriate fan behavior. Below is the text of the e-mail:
"Today, with the assistance of Major League Baseball Advanced Media, the Cubs have unveiled a new Fan Behavior Text Message service to our season ticket holders. This service will allow you to directly text our Event Operations department when you witness a fan behavior incident while attending the game.
This system will provide instant two-way, text messaging communication between you and the event staff allowing for improved guest services. It allows you to alert us on all issues in the stands without you having to leave your seat to find an usher or security employee. It also will allow you to stay anonymous while reporting a problem in the stands without the fear of reprisal from the offender, in the case of an intoxicated or obnoxious fan.
To send a text message to us you will need to text “CUBS” & your Message & your Location to 78247.
Examples:
CUBS FAN SMOKING IN AISLE 224 ROW 5
CUBS FAN USING INAPPRORIATE LANGUAGE IN AISLE 425 ROW 7
CUBS INAPPRORIATE BEHAVIOR BETWEEN FANS IN AISLE 112 ROW 8
Once we have received your message we will have a member of our event operations staff handle and respond to the incoming request. The staff member can send reply messages directly to your phone to help answer questions or obtain more information. If necessary the staff will be able to quickly dispatch safety/security, medical or event operations staff."
I can't tell you how many times I have seen a fight percolating near me where I've had to wonder where the hell security could possibly be.
I e-mailed my representative back and asked him if this service was restricted for use by season ticket holders (as the language in the e-mail suggests), but he assured me that the service is for all fans.
This is such a fantastic idea. Finally, fans can easily notify the Cubs when something is amiss without having to miss part of the game they paid a crapload of money to watch, and without fearing an ass-kicking for reporting the bad behavior of someone who can't watch a baseball game without a certain measure of civility.
On the flipside, I'm hoping that our more tight-assed fans aren't going to overuse this system to the point where the Cubs have too much trouble filtering out the real reports from the reports of people who want the sit-on-your-hands mentality of a mezzanine suite while only paying for Upper Deck Reserved seats.
Folks, please don't text the Cubs complaining that the guy next to you keeps shuffling past you to get more beer. If he's doing it courteously and without vomiting on your shoes, thats part of going to a game.
Don't text the Cubs to notify them that the kids in the Wood and DeRosa jerseys in front of you keep standing up whenever Carlos Zambrano gets two strikes on a batter. Yes, I agree that is annoying as hell to get up and down for every little thing that happens on the field, but unless they are standing up and yelling racial epithets at the umpire, you should probably let it go.
Other things that probably don't warrant a text to the Cubs:
- Peanut shells accidentally getting in your beer
- Old men behind you loudly discussing their health issues
- Frat boys wearing "Horry Cow" and "Shut up and drink your beer" t-shirts
- Someone in the condiment line putting ketchup on a hotdog
You get my point. We don't need a stadium full of people crying wolf so that when the inevitable drunken moron starts hurling f-bombs and beer at a family of four, the Cubs staff will actually respond quickly enough to prevent anything from getting violent.
The Cubs are trying to do their part. We need to do ours as fans.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Roasting the Cubs
I watched the roast of Joan Rivers tonight on TV and found myself thinking in one-liners. So imagine a dais with a bunch of minor celebrities telling dick and gay jokes with me as the Master of Ceremonies:
Good evening. It's great to be here to pay honor to the 2009 Chicago Cubs. Before we get going, I'd like to announce that the Cubs have a new homepage at www.WebMD.com (h/t to Whitney Cummings).
Watching this Cubs team has been like watching the first twenty minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" in slow motion. Aramis Ramirez is still wandering around the clubhouse in a daze looking for his missing arm.
I never thought I would look back fondly on the days when it was only Kerry Wood and Mark Prior getting hurt.
You know your team has problems when the team trainers refer to Rich Harden and Milton Bradley as the healthy ones.
The Cubs are so concerned about more injuries, they've asked the broadcast teams to not be too critical of Aaron Miles because they're afraid he'll have to go on the DL with hurt feelings.
That is actually going to be pretty difficult because Aaron Miles sucks so much that even light can't escape.
Aaron Miles sucks so much that if his baseball talent was converted into money, we would have to invent a way to make change for a penny.
MLB officials recently took a sample of Aaron Miles' blood. They didn't take it to test it for steroids, they took it to synthesize an antidote they can inject into juicers who are caught.
What do we have coming up to look forward to? Jeff Samardzija versus Cliff Lee. Holy shit. The New Jersey Generals have better odds of winning.
Samardzija is like Kyle Farnsworth without pooka shells or a dominating fastball. He has less control than Lindsay Lohan.
The Cubs are contemplating giving him another $10 million to go back to playing football.
None of this would be possible without Jim Hendry, the Bob Vila of general managers. Jim never saw a reclamation project he didn't like. His biggest off-season goal will be signing Dave Dravecky.
Jim Hendry somehow managed to acquire all of Snow White's dwarves' retarded cousins to play second base: Shitty, Crappy, Dumpy, and Stupid. At one point, they had to resort to having Bobby Scales play there. Bobby Scales has been in the minor leagues so long he remembers when they were known as the Negro Leagues.
Most of these guys are so talentless that the Cubs wouldn't even ask them to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."
The Cubs actually only have two people they would never ask to sing in the seventh inning: Kim Jong Il and Steve Stone. Not because the Cubs object to them as human beings, but because their egos wouldn't fit in the broadcast booth.
The only thing in the universe bigger than Steve Stone's love of himself is Geovany Soto's ass.
Speaking of things that stink like shit, we have to be thankful for the other teams in the National League Central. They are so bad they can't even pull away from a team that would have a hard time fielding a healthy squad in the Wheelchair Games.
But we only roast the ones we love and when it's all said and done, we'll always be there for the Cubs because they are in our hearts, like a clot that will surely kill us.
Thank you, good night, and tip your waitresses.
Good evening. It's great to be here to pay honor to the 2009 Chicago Cubs. Before we get going, I'd like to announce that the Cubs have a new homepage at www.WebMD.com (h/t to Whitney Cummings).
Watching this Cubs team has been like watching the first twenty minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" in slow motion. Aramis Ramirez is still wandering around the clubhouse in a daze looking for his missing arm.
I never thought I would look back fondly on the days when it was only Kerry Wood and Mark Prior getting hurt.
You know your team has problems when the team trainers refer to Rich Harden and Milton Bradley as the healthy ones.
The Cubs are so concerned about more injuries, they've asked the broadcast teams to not be too critical of Aaron Miles because they're afraid he'll have to go on the DL with hurt feelings.
That is actually going to be pretty difficult because Aaron Miles sucks so much that even light can't escape.
Aaron Miles sucks so much that if his baseball talent was converted into money, we would have to invent a way to make change for a penny.
MLB officials recently took a sample of Aaron Miles' blood. They didn't take it to test it for steroids, they took it to synthesize an antidote they can inject into juicers who are caught.
What do we have coming up to look forward to? Jeff Samardzija versus Cliff Lee. Holy shit. The New Jersey Generals have better odds of winning.
Samardzija is like Kyle Farnsworth without pooka shells or a dominating fastball. He has less control than Lindsay Lohan.
The Cubs are contemplating giving him another $10 million to go back to playing football.
None of this would be possible without Jim Hendry, the Bob Vila of general managers. Jim never saw a reclamation project he didn't like. His biggest off-season goal will be signing Dave Dravecky.
Jim Hendry somehow managed to acquire all of Snow White's dwarves' retarded cousins to play second base: Shitty, Crappy, Dumpy, and Stupid. At one point, they had to resort to having Bobby Scales play there. Bobby Scales has been in the minor leagues so long he remembers when they were known as the Negro Leagues.
Most of these guys are so talentless that the Cubs wouldn't even ask them to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."
The Cubs actually only have two people they would never ask to sing in the seventh inning: Kim Jong Il and Steve Stone. Not because the Cubs object to them as human beings, but because their egos wouldn't fit in the broadcast booth.
The only thing in the universe bigger than Steve Stone's love of himself is Geovany Soto's ass.
Speaking of things that stink like shit, we have to be thankful for the other teams in the National League Central. They are so bad they can't even pull away from a team that would have a hard time fielding a healthy squad in the Wheelchair Games.
But we only roast the ones we love and when it's all said and done, we'll always be there for the Cubs because they are in our hearts, like a clot that will surely kill us.
Thank you, good night, and tip your waitresses.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Hating Aaron Miles
The day we have been waiting for, the return of Geovany Soto is upon us. All will be right with the world, right? Well, only if you don't have any special affinity for Sam Fuld, Micah Hoffpauir, or Jake Fox. Ace at Bleacher Nation details how the choice of who goes away to make room for Soto will almost have to be one of those three.
I simply don't understand how Aaron Miles can possibly be considered one of the best 25 players in the Cubs' system. I have called him useless in the past, but that is an insult to useless people everywhere.
The man has a .489 OPS. That is his on-base percentage and his slugging percentage ADDED TOGETHER! Average players have an OPS around .700 and he can't even break .500.
Rich Harden has an OPS of .572. Miles' OPS makes the other Cubs second basemen seem simply gargantuan by comparison: Fontenot (.691), Baker (.663), Blanco (.620).
It would be one thing if we could just say that Miles is having a bad year, but since his career OPS is .682, we really can't expect much out of him even if he returned to his normal rate of production.
He brings nothing to this roster at all. He can't hit. He can't play defense. He is not fast. I'm not sure what else there is besides pitching and he has a 6.00 ERA in 3 innings over his career so there isn't even a facetious argument to me made that he can do that.
The money the Cubs owe him is lost. It is gone forever. He can't possibly be traded since I'm having a hard time thinking of other major league teams that have a retarded chimpanzee as a General Manager that would think Miles could provide anything to any team that a crappy minor league prospect could provide at league minimum salary.
I'm not ready to build statues to the Cubs AAA caravan that has been used much more heavily this season than we are comfortable, but there is not a single player that has been on the major league roster this year that I would dump in favor of Aaron Miles.
I hate that Jeff Samardzija is on this roster, but if there was a ever a choice between the two of them, I would throw a ticket tape parade if the Cubs chose to keep Samardzija.
I really don't have the time or the energy to fully explain the depths of my hatred of Aaron Miles. I'm sure he is a fine person, and its not his fault that Hendry stuck a piece of paper in front of him guaranteeing him $5 million over two years, but I have never wished a player would blow out a knee more.
I don't even care if that sounds callous or just plain evil. I hate Aaron Miles.
I simply don't understand how Aaron Miles can possibly be considered one of the best 25 players in the Cubs' system. I have called him useless in the past, but that is an insult to useless people everywhere.
The man has a .489 OPS. That is his on-base percentage and his slugging percentage ADDED TOGETHER! Average players have an OPS around .700 and he can't even break .500.
Rich Harden has an OPS of .572. Miles' OPS makes the other Cubs second basemen seem simply gargantuan by comparison: Fontenot (.691), Baker (.663), Blanco (.620).
It would be one thing if we could just say that Miles is having a bad year, but since his career OPS is .682, we really can't expect much out of him even if he returned to his normal rate of production.
He brings nothing to this roster at all. He can't hit. He can't play defense. He is not fast. I'm not sure what else there is besides pitching and he has a 6.00 ERA in 3 innings over his career so there isn't even a facetious argument to me made that he can do that.
The money the Cubs owe him is lost. It is gone forever. He can't possibly be traded since I'm having a hard time thinking of other major league teams that have a retarded chimpanzee as a General Manager that would think Miles could provide anything to any team that a crappy minor league prospect could provide at league minimum salary.
I'm not ready to build statues to the Cubs AAA caravan that has been used much more heavily this season than we are comfortable, but there is not a single player that has been on the major league roster this year that I would dump in favor of Aaron Miles.
I hate that Jeff Samardzija is on this roster, but if there was a ever a choice between the two of them, I would throw a ticket tape parade if the Cubs chose to keep Samardzija.
I really don't have the time or the energy to fully explain the depths of my hatred of Aaron Miles. I'm sure he is a fine person, and its not his fault that Hendry stuck a piece of paper in front of him guaranteeing him $5 million over two years, but I have never wished a player would blow out a knee more.
I don't even care if that sounds callous or just plain evil. I hate Aaron Miles.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
One Brief Encounter with Dusty
Earlier, I dedicated an entire post to Jim Riggleman, who was a Cubs manager that I simply did not dislike, so I suppose I should share my Dusty Baker story since I actually did think he could stop the revolving carousel of managers for at least longer than his first contract length.
I didn't go out and buy "In Dusty We Trusty" t-shirts or anything, but when Dusty was hired after the Don Baylor debacle, I was thrilled. Dusty was a winner. Dusty was a players' manager who knew how to get the best out his guys. Dusty knew how to handle the huge egos in a clubhouse. Dusty would FINALLY take the Cubs on the road to a World Series victory.
Well, that all turned out to be a crock.
It turns out that Dusty is a pretty cool dude, but it also turns out that being a cool dude does not automatically translate into being a good manager.
Nevertheless, I was a big Dusty supporter in early 2004, even though I did blame him most for the implosion in Game 6 of the NLCS the year before.
A few friends and I went down to St. Louis to see the weekend series with the Cardinals that year and we were very excited about it. The Cubs had handled St. Louis the year before and the 2004 team seemed poised to win the NL Central again with added weapons like Aramis Ramirez (for a full year), Greg Maddux, and Derrek Lee.
The season had already started out a bit strangely for Dusty because the players were already bitching at umpires and Dusty himself had been chastised by the league for using course language while arguing with an umpire on the field. It seems that the new seats behind the plate afforded some rich folks and their kids the opportunity to hear an in-game argument and had voiced their displeasure about Dusty's saucy language to the league office.
The game in St. Louis was close all the way through and the Cubs went into the bottom of the ninth inning tied 3-3 with the heart of the Cardinals batting order coming up. Kyle Farnsworth, summoned to replace Kerry Wood, promptly walked the first batter he faced, Mr. Albert Pujols. Jim Edmonds came up next, so Dusty brought in Kent Mercker to face him. Mercker walked Edmonds.
Now, here came Scott Rolen. Dusty popped himself out of the dugout and called for LaTroy Hawkins. Rolen promptly laid down a sacrifice bunt to move the runners up to second and third, and Dusty ordered the intentional walk of Edgar Renteria. This brought up Reggie Sanders with the bases loaded and only one out (which was handed to the Cubs by way of a sacrifice).
Hawkins induced Sanders to pop up a foul ball for the second out and I began to think the Cubs might live to battle in extra innings. Mike Matheny the all defensive, no-hit catcher came to the plate. Hawkins immediately had him down 0-2 in the count and I really thought they would get out of the mess. Then came ball one. Then ball two. Then ball 3.
Everyone in Old Busch Stadium was screaming something. The Cardinal fans were yelling encouragement to Matheny and jeering La Troy Hawkins. Cubs fans were jeering Mike Matheny or yelling at Hawkins to throw a motherf---in' strike. Ball four. Game over.
I was livid. I am not one of those guys who gets into fights at baseball games, but that night I came as close as I've ever come. If one more dickhead in a Pujols jersey had yelled "1908!" in my face, that dickhead would have been bleeding shortly after and I probably would have gotten to see what the inside of a St. Louis jail looks like.
My friends wanted to go out drinking afterwards and I was fine with that, but I was in no mood to be making decisions. I told them I would go wherever they wanted, but I would not be participating in the decision-making process. As a result, we headed off in a direction I would not have chosen as a starting point, but I followed along as I said I would.
We walked for awhile and after much hunting around, we discovered a couple of places. One, a cool little club with live jazz music and a beer garden, and one was a little hole-in-the-wall, old man bar next door that featured a pool table and a color television above the bar. The little club had a cover charge, so the decision was made to go to the hole-in-the-wall for free.
Again, this would have not been my choice, but I was still not participating in the decision process, nor speaking much at all at this time.
We grabbed a table and a few drinks and started to imbibe, and slowly the pain of the game started to subside. At about this time, I looked up and saw two African-American gentleman talking with a couple of people by the door. I didn't think much of it, but then my friend said, "Is that Dusty?"
I looked again and sure enough, it was Dusty, who had moved to the bar and was talking with the bartender. His buddy had his back to me so I couldn't see who it was, but it was definitely Dusty.
I didn't know what to do. I'm not an autograph guy and I don't generally run into celebrities so I had no idea what to say or do. As I sat there trying to figure out what I would do next, Dusty and his buddy headed out the door, and I thought I had blown the opportunity. But then, Dusty came right back in and was walking straight towards our table.
He approached closer and closer and I had to say something or I would completely blow the chance to meet one of my favorite Cubs at the time, so I dug down deep and came up with, "Hey, tough game, Dusty." I know, its hard to believe that someone could be so witty and articulate on the spot like that.
Dusty looked over and reached out his hand for mine and said, "Yeah - we thought we were going to get them." Then he looked over at my friend, who was wearing a Red Sox hat and said, "Boston B? You're in the wrong town!"
As my friend started explaining that she was a Boston fan but also loved the Cubs and had come down from Wisconsin, I looked over and saw one of my other friends in a conversation with Dusty's buddy, who I could now recognize clearly as Gary Matthews. So there we were chatting with Dusty and Sarge when the television above the bar started playing highlights of that nights game.
We all craned our necks to watch and as Sportscenter showed Farnsworth, Mercker, and Hawkins issuing their walks, Dusty turned to Sarge and said, "Farns, Merck, Hawk... you think someone could throw a f---in' strike."
This immediately elevated Dusty in my eyes because I had been raging on about that very same thing to anyone who would listen just a short time before. It also probably made me stick with Dusty longer than most folks because I knew he was seeing what we were seeing, and he wasn't happy about it. Just because he didn't bitch out a player in the media like Don Baylor didn't mean he wasn't addressing the issue. I'd later realize how foolish that was of me to believe.
We chatted a little more and when their pizza came, they said their good-byes so I shook his hand one last time and said, "Good luck tomorrow and try to watch your mouth around the children, huh?"
He looked me square in the face and said, "Ain't that some f---in' bullshit? What the f--- is that anyway? I'm out there defending my players and I have to deal with that shit?"
"You gotta do, what you gotta do, Dusty," I said.
"F---in' right." He then smiled, turned and headed back to their hotel with their pizza.
That night remains the longest conversation I have ever had with anybody of any degree of fame, and I still count it as one of the coolest experiences of my life.
Of course, everything went downhill for Dusty and the Cubs later that season, and the next, and the next, and most fans hate his guts now. I am not sad he is gone, but I still don't hate him because he was very cool in hanging out with us briefly that night. It's a shame that cool doesn't help you win baseball games.
I didn't go out and buy "In Dusty We Trusty" t-shirts or anything, but when Dusty was hired after the Don Baylor debacle, I was thrilled. Dusty was a winner. Dusty was a players' manager who knew how to get the best out his guys. Dusty knew how to handle the huge egos in a clubhouse. Dusty would FINALLY take the Cubs on the road to a World Series victory.
Well, that all turned out to be a crock.
It turns out that Dusty is a pretty cool dude, but it also turns out that being a cool dude does not automatically translate into being a good manager.
Nevertheless, I was a big Dusty supporter in early 2004, even though I did blame him most for the implosion in Game 6 of the NLCS the year before.
A few friends and I went down to St. Louis to see the weekend series with the Cardinals that year and we were very excited about it. The Cubs had handled St. Louis the year before and the 2004 team seemed poised to win the NL Central again with added weapons like Aramis Ramirez (for a full year), Greg Maddux, and Derrek Lee.
The season had already started out a bit strangely for Dusty because the players were already bitching at umpires and Dusty himself had been chastised by the league for using course language while arguing with an umpire on the field. It seems that the new seats behind the plate afforded some rich folks and their kids the opportunity to hear an in-game argument and had voiced their displeasure about Dusty's saucy language to the league office.
The game in St. Louis was close all the way through and the Cubs went into the bottom of the ninth inning tied 3-3 with the heart of the Cardinals batting order coming up. Kyle Farnsworth, summoned to replace Kerry Wood, promptly walked the first batter he faced, Mr. Albert Pujols. Jim Edmonds came up next, so Dusty brought in Kent Mercker to face him. Mercker walked Edmonds.
Now, here came Scott Rolen. Dusty popped himself out of the dugout and called for LaTroy Hawkins. Rolen promptly laid down a sacrifice bunt to move the runners up to second and third, and Dusty ordered the intentional walk of Edgar Renteria. This brought up Reggie Sanders with the bases loaded and only one out (which was handed to the Cubs by way of a sacrifice).
Hawkins induced Sanders to pop up a foul ball for the second out and I began to think the Cubs might live to battle in extra innings. Mike Matheny the all defensive, no-hit catcher came to the plate. Hawkins immediately had him down 0-2 in the count and I really thought they would get out of the mess. Then came ball one. Then ball two. Then ball 3.
Everyone in Old Busch Stadium was screaming something. The Cardinal fans were yelling encouragement to Matheny and jeering La Troy Hawkins. Cubs fans were jeering Mike Matheny or yelling at Hawkins to throw a motherf---in' strike. Ball four. Game over.
I was livid. I am not one of those guys who gets into fights at baseball games, but that night I came as close as I've ever come. If one more dickhead in a Pujols jersey had yelled "1908!" in my face, that dickhead would have been bleeding shortly after and I probably would have gotten to see what the inside of a St. Louis jail looks like.
My friends wanted to go out drinking afterwards and I was fine with that, but I was in no mood to be making decisions. I told them I would go wherever they wanted, but I would not be participating in the decision-making process. As a result, we headed off in a direction I would not have chosen as a starting point, but I followed along as I said I would.
We walked for awhile and after much hunting around, we discovered a couple of places. One, a cool little club with live jazz music and a beer garden, and one was a little hole-in-the-wall, old man bar next door that featured a pool table and a color television above the bar. The little club had a cover charge, so the decision was made to go to the hole-in-the-wall for free.
Again, this would have not been my choice, but I was still not participating in the decision process, nor speaking much at all at this time.
We grabbed a table and a few drinks and started to imbibe, and slowly the pain of the game started to subside. At about this time, I looked up and saw two African-American gentleman talking with a couple of people by the door. I didn't think much of it, but then my friend said, "Is that Dusty?"
I looked again and sure enough, it was Dusty, who had moved to the bar and was talking with the bartender. His buddy had his back to me so I couldn't see who it was, but it was definitely Dusty.
I didn't know what to do. I'm not an autograph guy and I don't generally run into celebrities so I had no idea what to say or do. As I sat there trying to figure out what I would do next, Dusty and his buddy headed out the door, and I thought I had blown the opportunity. But then, Dusty came right back in and was walking straight towards our table.
He approached closer and closer and I had to say something or I would completely blow the chance to meet one of my favorite Cubs at the time, so I dug down deep and came up with, "Hey, tough game, Dusty." I know, its hard to believe that someone could be so witty and articulate on the spot like that.
Dusty looked over and reached out his hand for mine and said, "Yeah - we thought we were going to get them." Then he looked over at my friend, who was wearing a Red Sox hat and said, "Boston B? You're in the wrong town!"
As my friend started explaining that she was a Boston fan but also loved the Cubs and had come down from Wisconsin, I looked over and saw one of my other friends in a conversation with Dusty's buddy, who I could now recognize clearly as Gary Matthews. So there we were chatting with Dusty and Sarge when the television above the bar started playing highlights of that nights game.
We all craned our necks to watch and as Sportscenter showed Farnsworth, Mercker, and Hawkins issuing their walks, Dusty turned to Sarge and said, "Farns, Merck, Hawk... you think someone could throw a f---in' strike."
This immediately elevated Dusty in my eyes because I had been raging on about that very same thing to anyone who would listen just a short time before. It also probably made me stick with Dusty longer than most folks because I knew he was seeing what we were seeing, and he wasn't happy about it. Just because he didn't bitch out a player in the media like Don Baylor didn't mean he wasn't addressing the issue. I'd later realize how foolish that was of me to believe.
We chatted a little more and when their pizza came, they said their good-byes so I shook his hand one last time and said, "Good luck tomorrow and try to watch your mouth around the children, huh?"
He looked me square in the face and said, "Ain't that some f---in' bullshit? What the f--- is that anyway? I'm out there defending my players and I have to deal with that shit?"
"You gotta do, what you gotta do, Dusty," I said.
"F---in' right." He then smiled, turned and headed back to their hotel with their pizza.
That night remains the longest conversation I have ever had with anybody of any degree of fame, and I still count it as one of the coolest experiences of my life.
Of course, everything went downhill for Dusty and the Cubs later that season, and the next, and the next, and most fans hate his guts now. I am not sad he is gone, but I still don't hate him because he was very cool in hanging out with us briefly that night. It's a shame that cool doesn't help you win baseball games.
Monday, August 3, 2009
It's Gonna Happen
There are many great things about being on vacation. There are the obvious benefits of the sun and long periods of relaxation away from school work and actual work, and this time, it appears, there is an added benefit of not being tied into the Cubs as closely as I normally am.
The Marlins series was highly stressful and depressing as we saw the Cubs bullpen forced into overuse and eventually fail in their efforts to hold the Marlins down late in each game.
There were many culprits. Marmol imploded on Friday. Gregg blew up on Saturday, but was saved much ire and hatred from Cubs fans by Derrek Lee and Aaron Heilman.
Unfortunately, Heilman was not as good the next night, blowing the slim 1-0 lead provided by a resurgent Ryan Dempster. Jake Fox did his best to be the hero, but then Gregg gave up back-to-back homeruns in the bottom of the 9th to lose the game and the series.
I was getting my information largely from Twitter as I enjoyed my fresh gulf shrimp dinner while overlooking the Gulf of Mexico, so when I saw what had happened, I was comforted almost immediately by my foofy frozen fruity drink sitting before me.
Judging from the tweets I read later, Kevin Gregg should probably hire someone with secret service experience to make sure he lives long enough to pitch again. Hiring a couple of food tasters probably wouldn't be the worst idea in the world either.
I'm not quite as worked up about it. Gregg isn't a lockdown closer and we all knew that. The reason I have a hard time being pissed at Hendry about that is that there weren't that many options in the offseason to address the closer question.
Anybody who lobbied for Marmol in the closer role has to admit that Marmol has taken a giant step backwards this year and would have been absolutely disastrous as a closer. The Kerry Wood backers have no argument because Wood has been worse than Gregg and more expensive in Cleveland.
The other option was Trevor Hoffman. Using hindsight, it appears signing a 41-year old would have been the prudent thing to do, but at the time, it would have been a case of Hendry putting on the Gaetti-glasses and wishing he was signing the Trevor Hoffman of five years ago. It would have been the lightning-in-a-bottle approach that has sickened many a Cubs fan in the years prior.
As for me, I still don't hate Kevin Gregg. I'm not going to pretend that my confidence soars when he enters a game, but I'm not overcome with feelings of dread either. Maybe it's because I know that a closer's position is tentative at best in most cases.
I'm willing to bet that Cubs fans everywhere would have rejoiced if Hendry had managed to trade for Brad Lidge or Bobby Jenks in the offseason. Both closers have World Series experience, both have been considered elite in their careers as recently as last season, and both are currently on the outs with their teams for not living up to expectations.
Before his run-in with his former team, Kevin Gregg had sported an .875 save percentage this season, which is about league average and would have ranked him almost dead in the middle of the closer save percentages. Thats pretty much what we should have expected out of Kevin Gregg. Anybody expecting a 90+% save percentage out of him is delusional. I, personally, think it's delusional to expect 90+% out of any closer, given the numerous factors that can contribute to a blown save that aren't always entirely the pitcher's fault.
Gregg had saved 10 straight games going back to his last blown save on my birthday. He had been forced into a few multi-inning saves and into games he should not have had to enter at all but for the inability of the other members of the bullpen to close out a game with a large lead. I think he is more capable in the role than I thought he would be, and would gladly rather see him than someone like Marmol who seemingly teeters on the brink of disaster in the best of his outings this year.
This is not to say that giving up back-to-back homeruns to lose a game in the ninth is acceptable. I'm sure Kevin Gregg will be the first to tell you it is not. However, the signs and bracelets and t-shirts that say It's Gonna Happen might as well be referring to the fact that saves are going to get blown. The measure of a team and the measure of the closer is how they react to these disappointments.
Gregg's confidence has undoubtedly been dealt a serious blow. The team has to be a little bummed about losing two of three very winnable ball games in Florida. They continue on tonight in Cincinnati and face a team they manhandled fairly well at home. We'll see how they come out in this series
I fully expect to see Gregg in his closer role as usual, and I have no problem with that whatsoever. Blown leads happen. Its over. Move on.
The Marlins series was highly stressful and depressing as we saw the Cubs bullpen forced into overuse and eventually fail in their efforts to hold the Marlins down late in each game.
There were many culprits. Marmol imploded on Friday. Gregg blew up on Saturday, but was saved much ire and hatred from Cubs fans by Derrek Lee and Aaron Heilman.
Unfortunately, Heilman was not as good the next night, blowing the slim 1-0 lead provided by a resurgent Ryan Dempster. Jake Fox did his best to be the hero, but then Gregg gave up back-to-back homeruns in the bottom of the 9th to lose the game and the series.
I was getting my information largely from Twitter as I enjoyed my fresh gulf shrimp dinner while overlooking the Gulf of Mexico, so when I saw what had happened, I was comforted almost immediately by my foofy frozen fruity drink sitting before me.
Judging from the tweets I read later, Kevin Gregg should probably hire someone with secret service experience to make sure he lives long enough to pitch again. Hiring a couple of food tasters probably wouldn't be the worst idea in the world either.
I'm not quite as worked up about it. Gregg isn't a lockdown closer and we all knew that. The reason I have a hard time being pissed at Hendry about that is that there weren't that many options in the offseason to address the closer question.
Anybody who lobbied for Marmol in the closer role has to admit that Marmol has taken a giant step backwards this year and would have been absolutely disastrous as a closer. The Kerry Wood backers have no argument because Wood has been worse than Gregg and more expensive in Cleveland.
The other option was Trevor Hoffman. Using hindsight, it appears signing a 41-year old would have been the prudent thing to do, but at the time, it would have been a case of Hendry putting on the Gaetti-glasses and wishing he was signing the Trevor Hoffman of five years ago. It would have been the lightning-in-a-bottle approach that has sickened many a Cubs fan in the years prior.
As for me, I still don't hate Kevin Gregg. I'm not going to pretend that my confidence soars when he enters a game, but I'm not overcome with feelings of dread either. Maybe it's because I know that a closer's position is tentative at best in most cases.
I'm willing to bet that Cubs fans everywhere would have rejoiced if Hendry had managed to trade for Brad Lidge or Bobby Jenks in the offseason. Both closers have World Series experience, both have been considered elite in their careers as recently as last season, and both are currently on the outs with their teams for not living up to expectations.
Before his run-in with his former team, Kevin Gregg had sported an .875 save percentage this season, which is about league average and would have ranked him almost dead in the middle of the closer save percentages. Thats pretty much what we should have expected out of Kevin Gregg. Anybody expecting a 90+% save percentage out of him is delusional. I, personally, think it's delusional to expect 90+% out of any closer, given the numerous factors that can contribute to a blown save that aren't always entirely the pitcher's fault.
Gregg had saved 10 straight games going back to his last blown save on my birthday. He had been forced into a few multi-inning saves and into games he should not have had to enter at all but for the inability of the other members of the bullpen to close out a game with a large lead. I think he is more capable in the role than I thought he would be, and would gladly rather see him than someone like Marmol who seemingly teeters on the brink of disaster in the best of his outings this year.
This is not to say that giving up back-to-back homeruns to lose a game in the ninth is acceptable. I'm sure Kevin Gregg will be the first to tell you it is not. However, the signs and bracelets and t-shirts that say It's Gonna Happen might as well be referring to the fact that saves are going to get blown. The measure of a team and the measure of the closer is how they react to these disappointments.
Gregg's confidence has undoubtedly been dealt a serious blow. The team has to be a little bummed about losing two of three very winnable ball games in Florida. They continue on tonight in Cincinnati and face a team they manhandled fairly well at home. We'll see how they come out in this series
I fully expect to see Gregg in his closer role as usual, and I have no problem with that whatsoever. Blown leads happen. Its over. Move on.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Nobody Saw Nothin'
During the game last night, the Marlins mascot came out onto the field between innings with a billy goat, in the kind of subtle, wry humor made popular by Carrot Top.
I am fully expecting they will be passing out walkmans and glasses tonight and Sunday will involve the scoreboard depicting a bag of cocaine rolling between Leon Durham's legs. Clearly, the people of Florida are hilarious and original.
I can only then surmise that a fair number of ESPN executives are from Florida because they are dredging up the Bartman shit again for a documentary. I would rather have papercuts on my eyes than watch whatever crap they pull together on this poor bastard.
To the best of my knowledge, Bartman has refused every offer to capitalize on the longest fifteen minutes of fame this side of Ryan Seacrest. He has not agreed to any interviews, he won't make public appearances, and he won't even autograph anything. He has done everything he can do to put the incident in the past, and I am sincerely hoping that he continues his media silence as ESPN tries to throw their little documentary together.
I hope he has a little discussion with his friends and family instructing them to do likewise in refusing to cooperate.
But mostly, I want the Cubs to respond to any questions about Bartman with this statement:
"It is our policy to not comment on an incident that occurred six years ago, involving a person who is not a member of the Cubs organization. We consider the matter closed."
This should come from any player, executive, security guard, usher, or concession stand attendant that ESPN can ever try to interview.
Ideally, I would also want every fan in Wrigleyville to tell anybody with a camera:
"We are not concerned with something that happened six years ago. We are focused on the current team that has won two straight National League Central titles and is vying for a third."
It would amuse me to no end if the entire community with an interest in the Cubs would band together in a cone of silence on this matter that would make the most tight-lipped organized crime syndicates jealous. We didn't see nothin' and it would displease us tremendously if ESPN were to pursue this matter further. Capeesh?
I'm not foolish enough to believe that the idiot t-shirt vendors and the people that can't walk into or out of the stadium without reading the bricks won't run their mouths when given the opportunity to be a part of a "major television project" like this. ESPN will get plenty of footage, but I'm hoping that the documentary will consist of a conglomeration of people who have no connection to Bartman other than knowing his name and that he was the unlucky shlub that had one split second of bad judgement six years ago.
I am fully expecting they will be passing out walkmans and glasses tonight and Sunday will involve the scoreboard depicting a bag of cocaine rolling between Leon Durham's legs. Clearly, the people of Florida are hilarious and original.
I can only then surmise that a fair number of ESPN executives are from Florida because they are dredging up the Bartman shit again for a documentary. I would rather have papercuts on my eyes than watch whatever crap they pull together on this poor bastard.
To the best of my knowledge, Bartman has refused every offer to capitalize on the longest fifteen minutes of fame this side of Ryan Seacrest. He has not agreed to any interviews, he won't make public appearances, and he won't even autograph anything. He has done everything he can do to put the incident in the past, and I am sincerely hoping that he continues his media silence as ESPN tries to throw their little documentary together.
I hope he has a little discussion with his friends and family instructing them to do likewise in refusing to cooperate.
But mostly, I want the Cubs to respond to any questions about Bartman with this statement:
"It is our policy to not comment on an incident that occurred six years ago, involving a person who is not a member of the Cubs organization. We consider the matter closed."
This should come from any player, executive, security guard, usher, or concession stand attendant that ESPN can ever try to interview.
Ideally, I would also want every fan in Wrigleyville to tell anybody with a camera:
"We are not concerned with something that happened six years ago. We are focused on the current team that has won two straight National League Central titles and is vying for a third."
It would amuse me to no end if the entire community with an interest in the Cubs would band together in a cone of silence on this matter that would make the most tight-lipped organized crime syndicates jealous. We didn't see nothin' and it would displease us tremendously if ESPN were to pursue this matter further. Capeesh?
I'm not foolish enough to believe that the idiot t-shirt vendors and the people that can't walk into or out of the stadium without reading the bricks won't run their mouths when given the opportunity to be a part of a "major television project" like this. ESPN will get plenty of footage, but I'm hoping that the documentary will consist of a conglomeration of people who have no connection to Bartman other than knowing his name and that he was the unlucky shlub that had one split second of bad judgement six years ago.
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