Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Cubs Season Quickly Becoming One Big Clusterf***

The last twenty-four hours have been very eventful in Cubland. The cavalry has arrived in the form of Aramis Ramirez, Reed Johnson, and Angel Guzman.

One former conquering hero was banished to Iowa and another former hero very gracefully saved many people the choice of having to choose between giving a standing ovation for a returning golden god, or booing an arch-nemesis uniform by going on the disabled list.

Erik Estrada showed up at Wrigley, and sang Take Me Out to the Ballgame with many of the correct words, and not so many of the correct notes. This, in and of itself, is not noteworthy in the slightest, as Estrada is probably about the exact average level star that the 7th Inning Stretch attracts now. I'm pretty sure Kathy Griffin would turn the Cubs down if they asked.

The noteworthy aspect was the post-sing interview with Len and Bob up in the booth. Estrada detailed how a child asked how it felt to be standing on the field and he took the child (with parental permission) and brought him onto the field and said, "Go ahead and touch it, get down there and touch it."

That sounded creepy enough to me, but then he went into a story about how he is now a law enforcement officer and he has "seen his share of child pornography." Now, keep in mind, he has not actually said anything intentionally creepy or weird. He was merely trying to communicate how tragic it is that there are so many child predators out there and that he is trying to help to stop the proliferation of such material. Nevertheless, who the hell starts a sentence with the phrase, "I have seen my share of child pornography"? Especially when it is juxtaposed against a story where he just told a child to "get down there and touch it."

Maybe we let all of that slide if not for the next story where he talks about his time on a reality show and his experience with Ron Jeremy, who has a "huge gift" and indicated that he wishes he had Ron Jeremy's life.

My thoughts upon watching a taped version this morning was that Len and Bob probably wished the Cubs could have one of their trademark six-pitch innings just so he would go away. You can see most of the interview in all of its awkward creepiness at The Friendly Blogfines here.

Today, reports have flown that the Tribune has agreed to sell the Cubs. Now, I know what you are thinking, "Way to be on top of the news that happened yesterday. Did you hear that the South lost the War Between the States too?" Yes, yesterday it was reported that the Tribune agreed to terms with the Ricketts group for the sale of the Cubs.

But then today, Reuters reports that the Tribune has agreed to sell to the group headed by Mark Utay as well, as part of a back-up plan to make sure a sale goes through to SOMEONE.

I find it hysterical that Zell took over two years to sell the team once, but then only about 24 hours to sell it a second time, which I didn't think was possible, but there is that news story in Reuters, so it has to be true.

Well, no, maybe not. Dave Kaplan of WGN posted on his blog that the reports of any sale being completed are greatly exaggerated. The only person who seems to be willing to go on record as a named source is Tribune spokesman Gary Weitman, who says,

"We have not reached an agreement on terms with either party."

So, it would appear that Dave Kaplan might actually have the most accurate version of the story in the strictest sense, in which case, nobody will much notice because of all the monkeys flying out of our collective butts.

Finally, and most recently, the roster carousel continues to spin as we have received word that Ryan Dempster broke his toe and has been placed on the disabled list and Kevin Hart is catching the Bobby Scales Shuttle back to Wrigley so that he can start the series finale against Atlanta on Wednesday.

The questions that follow this news are many. Can Marshall go back to the rotation after being in the bullpen now for most of the season? How the hell did Dempster break his toe?


The answer to how Dempster broke the toe is, according to Paul Sullivan..... wait for it.....

Dempster said he caught his foot on the dugout railing while jumping out of the dugout running onto the field after Sunday's win over the Brewers.

Are you f---ing kidding me? Am I on Candid Camera? This ranks up with the Sammy Sosa sneeze and Glenallen Hill spider dream on the all-time Cubs stupid list for injuries.


Can Samardzija or Hart be expected to pitch effectively as a starter? If Marshall gets the spot, who will get lefties out from the bullpen? Thankfully, the answer to that question is definitely not Neal Cotts, who had season-ending Tommy John surgery on his elbow last week.

Oh, and the Cubs won last night 4 to 2 over the Braves, pushing my record to 16-2 when I am in attendance. I'll be there again tonight, so hopefully that means good things.


Sean Gill said...

No Cubs injury tops Kerry Wood slipping in a hot tub a few years ago...

Also, I only had what can now only be known as the "Estrada Game" on the Radio and unfortunately for me there were no awkward references.  Although, I still had found the interview hilarious just b/c Estrada is apparently a real cop now....oh man, oh man.

waxpaperbeercup said...

my favorite cubs injury was mike harkey's cartwheel. i was actually in the front row of the bleachers when he did it. we were laughing our asses off.

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