Friday, July 24, 2009

Checking the List

I'm just going over my Things That Could Possibly Go Wrong list for this season...
  • It turns out Mike Fontenot is not an actual every day second baseman.... check.
  • Milton Bradley will perform worse than every other left-handed corner outfielder that was available this off-season... check.
  • Aramis Ramirez will lose 50 games to an injury that won't actually fully heal during the course of the regular season... check.
  • Rich Harden will have an obligatory stop on the disabled list... check.
  • Carlos Zambrano will head to the disabled list and start talking about retirement after his contract is up... check.
  • Ryan Dempster has nothing wrong with his arm, but goes on the disabled list anyway because he doesnt know how to jump over a small fence without hurting himself... check.
  • Carlos Marmol will forget how to throw strikes with any regularity... check.
  • Alfonso Soriano will have lingering knee and finger injuries along with his usual lack of solid fundamentals to have the worst season of his entire career... check.
  • Geovany Soto will get fat, hurt his shoulder, not be able to hit, get caught smoking pot in the off-season, and then get hurt while taking batting practice and have to go on the DL... check.
  • Ryan Theriot will hit a couple of homeruns and become convinced he is a power hitter for a couple of months... check.
  • Aaron Miles will continue to be Aaron Miles, except somehow worse... check.
  • The Cubs sale will move along at a pace that is considered slow when compared to the speed of a glacier, preventing any real moves that could help make us forget the laundry list above... check.

So, the only to-do items I have left on the list are:

  • Derrek Lee will get kidnapped by aliens... pending.
  • Kevin Gregg will catch whatever it is that makes Marmol not able to throw strikes... pending
  • Wrigley Field will finally fall down, killing many douchebags and a few valuable members of society... pending.
  • Ted Lilly will injure his shoulder while lifting his giant bag of awesome... check. Damn it.


Ron said...

Luckily the Cubs' year of suck is being obscured by the equally lackluster central division. What a sorry state. Even if the Cubs made it to the post season you've got to think they won't have much chance of advancing far.

Cubs Magic Number said...

This may sound like sacrelige, but I don't want to see the mess that's on the field now in the postseason. 1) It will be by default, since the rest of the NLC sucks and 2) They'll embarass themselves (and us) again.

Now, if they somhow catch fire and play like winners...

Ron said...

So this will probably be the year they pull it off and win the World Series and we'll all be "WTF!!!" and it won't even feel like a victory because they sucked so badly all year long. That'd be our luck. But I'd take it!

Tim McGinnis said...

A great postseason would completely erase the hardships of the regular season from our minds.  We would look back and say the adversity only made us stronger.

By the way, the NL Central just got a bit tougher with Mr. Holliday going to bat behind Albert Pujols.  This is huge both for St. Louis and my fantasy team because Pujols is going to absolutely dominate even more than we are accustomed.  The Cubs are going to have to earn any playoff appearance.

The fight starts today against the Reds.

thecubreporter said...

uh...looks like there's only 3 left on your to-do list...

damn your clairvoyancy...

Augie said...

Lilly goes on 15-day DL and has knee surgery... check.

Tim McGinnis said...

Derrek Lee leaves game early again with recurring neck spasms... check.

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