Not Scared of Pirates? You Should Be

Cubs fans are feeling about as well as a fan of this team can feel at this point.  The offense is looking decent with Soriano, Soto, and Fontenot getting in touch with their 2008 selves.  Fukudome is still shiny from his annual Mr. April performance (By the way, Happy April 34th, Kosuke).  Derrek Lee is starting to look more comfortable at the plate, and the calendar in everyone's locker except Fukudome's says it is May now, so we can expect to see some hitting from him.

Marlon Byrd continues to be the word, Theriot isn't trying to hit homeruns, the starting rotation is not falling apart yet without Zambrano, and the bullpen hasn't blown any games lately.  Grabow and Ramirez are still disconcerting, but it's probably nothing that a healthy dose of playing the Pirates can't fix, right?

After all, Milwaukee annihilated this team 36-1 over a three game series right before the Cubs destroyed Milwaukee in a three game sweep by a cumulative score of 25-4.  So it stands to reason that the Cubs will outscore the Pirates this weekend by a score of 225-1 and the one run will be unearned, right?

If I've learned anything over the course of my life, it is that confidence and the Cubs don't go together.  I'm fully expecting Dempster to re-break his toe after slipping on a rubber chicken that fell out of his locker. I figure Ted Lilly will break his arm while attempting to steal a base and then get sentenced to life in prison for murdering the umpire with his protective cup for calling him out on the play. Randy Wells will allow that one unearned run (on a Derrek Lee error) as the to-be-announced AAAA Pittsburgh call-up pitches a perfect game in his major league debut.

Soriano will blow out a knee as he catches a ball without hopping.  Ryan Theriot will get into a bar fight while arguing the greatest Prime Minister in England was Pitt the Elder.  Marlon Byrd will get radiation poisoning, Fontenot will be DFA'd because of his ridiculous sideburns, and Aramis Ramirez will be convinced he is a chicken after a confidence-building hypnosis session goes awry.

Or something that wasn't already on the Simpsons, but you get my drift.

Nothing comes easy with these Cubs and I'm definitely expecting the Pirates to remind us all of that at some point in this series.  Remember when Rob Mackowiak became a god for a weekend in Pittsburgh against the Cubs?

Also, this happened in Pittsburgh:

So mock if you will, but I'm scared of Pirates.