Thursday, August 27, 2009

Milton Gets an Audio Hug from Aisle 424

Strangely enough, Milton Bradley isn't feeling the love from the Wrigley faithful, which is shocking considering that with his 3 RBIs on Wednesday night, he has moved into a tie for 203rd in the majors in RBIs. Look out, Ramon Hernandez, he's coming after you next.

When you consider that Milton has not gone on the disabled list, takes a large number of walks to give RBI situations to teammates like Mike Fontenot and Koyie Hill, and almost always knows how many outs there are in a given situation, he really has done everything we could possibly ask of him for the bargain basement price of $30 million guaranteed over 3 years.

But Milton isn't feeling the warm and fuzzies from the fans at Wrigley.

"Bradley went 4 for 4 on Tuesday night with a homer but talked after the game about how difficult it has been to be comfortable 'when you don't get a hit and get booed every time.'"

He then followed that up with a homerun on Wednesday, after which he mocked fans with a little hand puppet gesture as he returned to the dugout.

Clearly this is a man who is starving for love in much the same way lonely twelve-year old girls are in junior high when no one has asked them to the spring formal dance. You know what always makes the girls feel better? Mix tapes!

Today's digital world makes the actual cassette tape obsolete, but the content, which usually consists of random songs meant to express the deepest of feelings to a pubescent female remains as solid an idea as ever.

So, I have compiled a playlist for Milton that should make him feel better as he falls asleep dreaming of a time when Cubs fans truly appreciate the man that has driven in as many runs (35) as Adam Everett and more than fan favorite, Jake Fox (34).

Milton, we love you man. You are everything a fan can hope for in a baseball player, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us for not recognizing how much you bring to this team. Enjoy.



8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Letter to Milton:
Dude! Stop playing the race card everytime something doesn't go your way. True Cubs fans don't hate you because you're black. We hate you because you suck. And now we hate you more because you are a whiny ass douchebag. Derek Lee is a fan favorite, and, unless my eyesight is much worse than I thought, happens to be black. But we love him because he tries hard and produces (at least much of the time). Yes, I don't doubt that stupid, ignorant bleacher bums throw out racial slurs, and that sucks. But that is a very small sampling of the crowd at Wrigley, and most lilkely douchbag frat boys there for a bachelor party rather than true fans. The crowd of 40K on any given night is not booing your skin color. They are booing your skill, production and attitude, because you are another in a long line of overpaid worthless crap and proving every penny of it. So drop the f*cking race crap, because, by not doing so, you are the one who's being a racist. And let me remind you that Mr.Cub also happens to be black. Asshole.
Love, Kris

tmcginnis said...

I love that the GF can break out the expletive-filled rant with the best of them.

I will also add that we all hate Aaron Miles most of all and he is whiter than my hairy butt.

Anonymous said...

You think just because only a handful of idiots are yelling out racial slurs that he should put up with it? From all the comments I'm reading about this, everyone is almost in agreement that at least a few people have hurled n-bombs at him. My question is why don't people around these idiots call them out? If i was standing next to some frat d-bag who said that, i'd knock his teeth out.

Anyway, he has a right to be upset about that, but that's not equal to using it as an excuse for his poor play (although he's been playing well lately). I still think the guy was a bad signing and not a good fit for a major market team...and an idiot to boot, but if everyone agrees he's suffered racial abuse, no matter how minimal, they should be standing up and saying that this isn't going to be tolerated at the friendly confines.

tmcginnis said...

I'm not out in the bleachers so I can't say whether the n-bomb is flying or not, but to expect that a bunch of drunken fans out there are all going to be decent human beings is insane. People are going to yell stupid, ignorant, pull-you-hair-out-in-frustration stupid shit.

Lets say that it has on more than one occasion. Why do we all have to be painted with the racist brush because the people who paid to be in the stands aren't policing themselves? If someone were to knock the teeth out of someone yelling racist crap, the person doing the punching would be the one hauled off by Cubs security, booted out of the park, and probably arrested. To suggest that the other fans that paid admission need to take matters into their own hands to protect Milton's virgin ears is ridiculous.

Where the hell is security? They have security posted all around the fronts of the bleachers that can hear everything Milton can hear (and probably more). If there are n-bombs being tossed out loudly enough for Milton to hear it down on the field, where are the guys who are PAID to keep order and civility out there?

Why isn't Milton pissed at the Cubs for allowing that shit? Why does he have to dump on everyone including people who defend him in the process of airing his frustration? Why does he even f---ing care what drunken morons think?

At the end of the day, he was called a name. It was a bad name. It is an unforgivable name, but it doesn't hurt anything other than his feelings and the reputation of whatever moronic individuals used that as an insult.

Anonymous said...

I agree with most of that, calling over security/having them actually do their job would probably be much better than punching the guy. And of course everyone shouldn't be tainted as racist idiots because of a few drunken d-bags. I'm not necessarily defending Bradley's behavior or choice of words, I'm just saying, if this is happening, and it seems it is, maybe it's something to look into. Other than that, he should absolutely not be using it as an excuse to paint everyone as racist/assholes, and he should realize that his play on the field causes the taunting. I didn't catch the game, so i'm not sure what this "hand gesture" was that he used to mock the fans after his HR, but I'm guessing it would've severely pissed me off. Not a way to get fans to treat you nicer.

tmcginnis said...

He did a little puppet hand yapping gesture to the fans behind the dugout. I think he did the same thing to the guy who was heckling him in San Diego.

It's just all about him. He could give a shit that the team is dead. He could care less that we spent large portions of our salaries and free time watching him and his teammates play like a crappy tee-ball team. All he cares about is himself and I can't muster much sympathy.

If he woke up with a burning cross on his lawn or a noose hanging from a tree or some other bodily threat to himself or his family, I'd be more on his side, but its all just words.

Ed Nickow (@TheCubsInHaiku) said...

I was at the game Wednesday, and while I wasn't in the bleachers I had a good view from my seat in Section 436.

When Bradley took the field after his home run the right field bleacher fans were cheering and waving at him as fans usually do to show that they appreciated the good performance on offense.

Bradley kept his back turned to the crowd as he played catch with Fukudome before the inning started, refusing to acknowledge their accolades. I couldn't hear what anyone was saying, but I know what I saw.

Kris said...

Anonymous - I think you have grossly misinterpreted my comments. You asked, "you think just because only a handful of idiots are yelling out racial slurs that he should put up with it?". My answer to you is no, and that is by no means what I said or the point of my comment above. If he is being called racial slurs, than he absolutely should be upset and the offenders should be dealt with. My point simply was, I (and most other Cub fans) don't give a crap what a player looks like (unless you're Ted Lilly who I find HOT!) - they care about how you're playing and to some extent the kind of person you are. We are all a little more forgiving of a likable player who's not having the best year, or even a player that's kind of a jagoff but kicking some ass. This guy has not done anything to ingratiate himself into Cubs fans hearts. He's an asshole to the fans, played like crap most of the season and has reportedly not been able to develop any meaningful friendships in the clubhouse. AND THAT's why we don't like him.
PS - And I apologize to all you douchebag frat boys. That wasn't nice of me to call you that.

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